In some countries, secondary schools aim to provide a general education across a range of subjects. In others, children focus on a narrow range of subjects related to a particular career. Which do you think is appropriate in today’s world?

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. IELTS Writing In some countries, secondary schools aim to provide a general education across a range of subjects. In others, children focus on a narrow range of subjects related to a particular career. Which do you think is appropriate in today’s world?

  • XWW
    University: 墨尔本大学(University of Melbourne)
    Nationality: China
    April 19, 2020 at 12:19 am

    In some countries, secondary schools aim to provide a general education across a range of subjects. In others, children focus on a narrow range of subjects related to a particular career. Which do you think is appropriate in today’s world?

    There is a difference in the number of subjects to provide in middle schools between countries. In some of them, a full range of courses is offered while others prefer limited subjects which are associated with a specific job. In my opinion, it is more suitable to allow students to receive general education at present.

    Contributing to one particular career requires many factors which could not be decided at a young age. Middle school students generally are not capable of defining their interests or having a clear understanding of work. For example, a lot of boys dreamed to be astronauts when they grow up.  However, only a few of them could realize this dream. Having knowledge of various subjects enables students to figure out their strengths and weaknesses, which could influence their choices of careers.

    It is also essential to develop abilities that are not only related to intelligence but also emotions Apart from work, people live in a community where they need to communicate with others, manage a team and socialize. Job-related classes are unable to meet the standards that are vital for students to perform well both in the workplace and in life.

    To my point of view, there are several job-related subjects that could indeed improve people’s professionalism and skills for work, which benefits a better career. On the other hand, these subjects are better to be taught in universities when students are able to make decisions on their own. By then, most of them have a clear image of future lives and career paths, it would be wiser to learn specific subjects.

    April 20, 2020 at 4:22 pm

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. About 55% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    2. About 15% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    XWW
    University: 墨尔本大学(University of Melbourne)
    Nationality: China
    April 22, 2020 at 10:44 am

    Countries tend to establish an education system based on circumstances. Middle schools of some regions provide general knowledge while others offer narrow work-related knowledge.  I believe that various subjects enable secondary students to have better careers.

    The factors that contribute to a specific work vary from skills to personalities. It is too early for teenagers to decide the future job because they are not capable of deeply understanding one job. For example, many boys dreamed of becoming astronauts as they grow up. However, only a few of them could realize this dream due to the strict requirements, hard work and perseverance. Receiving general education is a good way to help students identify their strengths and weaknesses, which could improve their self-awareness to select right careers.

    A full range of subjects is also beneficial for comprehensive development. At present, apart from the skills and knowledge for work, people need other capabilities, emotional intelligence, for example, to deal with others. It is essential to know how to cope with people, work in a team harmoniously, and socialize appropriately. These elements are also attributable to promotion and pay raise.

    Although knowledge regarding careers could upgrade professionalism which is vital for employment, middle schools do not need to provide it. Universities ought to imbue older students with this kind of knowledge according to their majors, as they already have a clear image of future lives and career paths.

    April 22, 2020 at 4:38 pm

    Score: 52

    Issues:

    1. About 30% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.