• zyy
    University: 武汉软件工程职业技术学院
    Nationality: 中国
    June 30, 2020 at 1:58 pm

    In our contemporary society,there remains an increasing interest in topic about choosing an occupation,which has provoked the public’s widespread concern.

    Such impressive cases are not rare in our daily life,yet the following one is definitely typical. One friend of mine,said: “Have you ever been convinced that it plays such an indispensable role in our future that you must choose a right occupation?Don’t tell me that you never think about it.” With this question,I have no idea.But after that, there exsits a seed bear in my heart – I really should start to recognize the importance of it.

    So crucial is choosing a right occupation, from my perspective. In the meanwhile, it should have gained our attention.Awareness about choosing a proper occupation could be cultivated to make ourselves lead a promising and hopeful life. Only by taking these actions can youngsters and teenagers have a more brilliant and glorious future.

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    June 30, 2020 at 10:07 pm

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. About 45% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    2. About 30% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.
    3. Numerous grammatical errors.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

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