Computer games are a waste of time and children should not be allowed to play them. 

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. TOEFL Writing Computer games are a waste of time and children should not be allowed to play them. 

  • Erichere99
    University: HKU
    Nationality: China
    September 29, 2020 at 4:27 am

    Computer games are a waste of time and children should not be allowed to play them. 

    Notwithstanding the universally recognized benefits that computers have brought about to our life, computer games are a relatively contentious byproduct of technological advancement, especially when it comes to their effects on children. This essay sticks to the viewpoint that playing computer games is not a waste of time, and children should be allowed to play them.

    Primarily, computer games, as a popular pastime, play an indispensable role in providing relaxation and enjoyment. I still recall that when I was in secondary school, I was extremely busy with coursework and examinations. What helped me the most to relieve my pressure was computer games, which relaxed me with attractive images and thrilling plot. Spending twenty or thirty minutes on games was enough to make me energetic again. Indeed, playing games keeps us alive, without which we cannot live our life to the fullest.

    Furthermore, computer games can be edifying in the sense that they teach children how to make logical decisions, react quickly and think independently. Take the famous game Super Mario as an example. Simple though it seems, the game in fact requires the player to be highly concentrated and react swiftly. The player needs to coordinate their mind, eyes and hands altogether in order to win the game. It is undeniable that such skills are also needed in our study and work. Thus, it is not only about the games. It is playing games in the virtual world that enhances our understanding of the real world. This precious opportunity is irreplaceable for children.

    Concerning all the arguments and examples discussed above, we can draw the conclusion that playing computer games is meaningful in children’s upbringing. For one thing, it keeps children vigorous and relieves their pressure. For another, it helps children to develop various abilities which are necessary for their study. Insofar as children play computer games within a reasonable time, they are bound to benefit a lot from them.

    September 30, 2020 at 9:15 pm

    Score: 58.6

    Issues:

    1. About 30% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    2. About 15% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.