Consumption of the world’s resources (such as oil, fresh air. Etc.) is increasing at a dangerous rate.

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  • yanxinzuibang
    University: 合肥工业大学
    Nationality: 中国
    August 18, 2020 at 11:40 am

    Consumption of the world’s resources (such as oil, fresh air. etc.) is increasing at a dangerous rate. What are the causes of this increased consumption? What can people do to reduce it?

    It seems to be an increasing widespread concern that consumption of the world’s resources has been rising rapidly. This phenomenon, from my point of view, is a result of several factors.

    One main reason is the rapid industrial development around the world. For example, nowadays, there are huge amounts of factories in almost every country, which are rarely seen in the past. This means that the factory will consume types of resources, such as oil, natural gas and electricity, to manufacture industrial product that will meet mankind’s needs every day. During those process, excessive hazardous waste will be discharged into the environment, as a result, the fresh air will be heavily polluted.

    Another contributing factor is that in recent years, the transportation system has been achieved a great progress, which means that our society is flooded with numerous cars, trains, planes and so on. In the previous time, people are more likely to choose vehicles or walk when they need to go out, which consumes few resources. Although it is more convenient for people go out now, it also increases the consumption of the resources that is limited for human.

    In order to solve this problem, governments should shoulder their responsibilities to enact laws and introduce programs to raise the public’s ecological footprint awareness. As a result, people will more likely to choose the public transportation or walking. More importantly, the company should pay more attention to exploit renewable and green energy, and invest in energy-saving technologies, which will reduce the people’s reliance on oil, and can ensure a sustainable development.

    In conclusion, the rapid development of industry and transportation is responsible for the increase consumption of resources. Governments and companies should work closely together to solve this problem.

    August 19, 2020 at 2:05 am

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. About 40% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    2. About 25% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.
    3. Part of speech errors
    4. Preposition errors
    5. Article errors

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

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