Countries with a long average working time are more economically successful than those countries which do not have a long working time. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. IELTS Writing Countries with a long average working time are more economically successful than those countries which do not have a long working time. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

  • HSTX
    University: Nanchang University
    Nationality: China
    June 10, 2020 at 2:57 pm

    Countries with a long average working time are more economically successful than those countries which do not have a long working time. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

    In contemporary society, economic success is widely considered as the most essential evaluation criteria for one country’s development level. while some people argue that letting staffs work for a long time is a good approach to achieve it. I do not agree with it.

    First of all, long-time working definitely makes employees feel tired physically, and then this will affect productivity. For example, recently, a well-known Chinese businessman proposes “ the 996 work schedule” which means workers are asked to go to work at 9 am and leave office at 9 pm. As a result, he is criticized by the vast majority of people, because this schedule gives workers a little of time to relax. It is hard to imagine how employees in such an unhealthy physical and mental state complete their work efficiently.

    In addition, if average working time is too long, there will be less time for people to consume in shopping malls, movie theaters, massage service centers and so on. As a worker, people generally just spend money on commuting and three meals on workdays. Even on the remaining day off, they probably choose to relax at home rather than to go out and consume with others. From this perspective, long-time work is not likely to contribute to national economy.

    Besides, too long-time work puts much pressure on people, which can affect fertility rate to some extent, whereas sufficient population is solid foundation for achieving economic success. For instance, more Japanese employees are under too much pressure than that of in others countries according to statistical data. Because of this, many Japanese are not willing to have a baby or even get married. Therefore, the population tends to decline dramatically and Japan also has experienced an economic slowdown in last decade.

    From what I have mentioned above, spending too much time on work not only does not stimulate national economy, but even plays a negative role sometimes.

    June 10, 2020 at 10:54 pm

    Score: 54.4

    Issues:

    1. About 50% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    2. About 15% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.