Drivers should pay a fee for driving in busy city streets when there is heavy traffic.

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  • Kuan
    University: Renmin University
    Nationality: China
    August 1, 2020 at 6:57 am

    Drivers should pay a fee for driving in busy city streets when there is heavy traffic.

    The center of a large city is always crowded, which has led to a debate about charging a fee when there is a heavy traffic. Some people argue that drivers, who driving in those busy streets, are responsible for the traffic jam. However, I disagree with the statement.

    To begin with, it is unfair, not only for drivers who have to pass through the busy streets every day but also for drivers who just happen to be there. For most employees, they do not have other choices apart from driving in rush hours. Their workload is so heavy that they have to arrive at companies before 8:00 am. Taking care of children is also their duty, so they have to go back home when it comes to 5:00 pm. The working time is not decided by them, but by their employers. Therefore, it is not reasonable to blame them for something out of their control. Besides, the drivers who just drive there by chance, for example, taxi drivers, are not the ones to blame either. In most cases, they do not know the daily congestion in this region, so it is unfair to charge them.

    Moreover, it is impractical. Charging fees is a waste of time and manpower. For one thing, a heavy traffic means there are hundreds of cars in the region, so if the government imposes this regulation, there would be a huge demand for policemen. For another, the conflicts between policemen and drivers are likely to occur since most drivers will not accept the rule.

    In fact, there are some better solutions toward the heavy traffic. For example, the government can expand the road so that more cars will be able to cross without congestion. Besides, it is also the government’s duty to arrange the cars by clarifying them and set schedules for every kind of car which is allowed to show up at different dates.

    To conclude, charging a fee toward drivers when they drive on a busy road is unfair and impractical, and it should be replaced by other better solutions.

    August 4, 2020 at 3:42 am

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. About 30% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    2. About 15% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.
    3. Lengthy paragraphs. Restrict each paragraph to 90 words.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    Kuan
    University: Renmin University
    Nationality: China
    August 6, 2020 at 9:05 am

    The center of a large city is always crowded, which has led to a debate about charging a fee for driving in the busy streets. Proponents of the idea argue that these drivers are responsible for the traffic jam. However, I disagree with the statement.

    For starters, it is unfair for drivers to pay the fine. For most employees, they have no choice but to drive in rush hours. Their workload is so heavy that they have to arrive at companies before 8:00 am. Taking care of children is also their duty, so they have to go back home when it comes to 5:00 pm. The working time is not decided by them, but by their employers. Therefore, it is not reasonable to blame these white collars for something out of their control. Besides, the drivers who just drive there by chance are not the ones to blame either. In most cases, they do not know the daily congestion in this region, so it is unfair to charge them.

    Moreover, it is impractical. Charging fees is a waste of time and manpower. For one thing, the implementation of the regulation will create a huge demand for policemen. For another, it will also lead to endless conflicts between policemen and drivers. Imagine on a road with heavy traffic, every driver is trying to persuade the policeman standing in front of him or her that the policy is unreasonable. Then, what’s going to happen? Obviously, the policy will only result in much severer congestion.

    There are some better solutions toward the congestion. For example, the government can broaden the road in order to speed up the flow of traffic. Besides, traffic restrictions like the odd-even number-plate restriction will also be helpful.

    To conclude, charging a fee towards the drivers on a busy road is unfair and impractical. There are some better ways to solve the problem.

    August 6, 2020 at 3:45 pm

    The center of a large city is always crowded, which has led to a debate about charging a fee for driving in [ preposition error ] the[ article error ] busy streets[ word form error ] . Proponents of the idea [be specific  ] argue that these drivers are responsible for the[ article error ] traffic jam. However, I disagree with the statement[ this argument ] .

    For starters[unclear word  ] , it is unfair for [ verbose ] drivers to pay the fine[rephrase the sentence without using IT as subject  ] . For most employees, they have no choice but to drive in rush hours. Their workload is so heavy that they have to arrive at companies[word form error/general description  ] before 8:00 am[ change to conditional writing ] . Taking[coherence problem/subject fails to echo the subject/object of the prior sentence  ] care of children is also their duty, so they have to go back home when (it comes to)[verbose/use one word  ] 5:00 pm. The working[ coherence issue ] time is not decided by them[ passive ] , [punctuation error  ] but by their employers. Therefore, it is not reasonable to blame [ verbose/rephrase ] these white collars for something out of their control. Besides, the drivers who just drive there by chance [verbose/rephrase  ] are not the ones to blame either. In most cases, they do not[ avoid using NOT ] know the[article error  ] daily congestion in (this region)[ unclear ] , so it is unfair to [verbose/rephrase  ] charge them.

    Moreover, it is impractical[unclear  ] . Charging fees is a waste of time and manpower[change to Conditional writing  ] . For one thing, (the[ article error ] implementation of the regulation)[  verbose] will create a huge demand for policemen. For another, it [unclear pronoun  ] will also lead to endless conflicts[ use Conditional writing ] between policemen and drivers. Imagine on (a road with heavy traffic)[verbose/rephrase  ] , every driver (is trying)[ use present tense ] to persuade the[ article error/general description ] policeman standing in front of him or her (that the policy is unreasonable)[ restructure the sentence ] . Then, what’s going to happen? Obviously, the policy will only result in much severer congestion.

    There are [ No need to use THERE BE for this sentence/rephrase ] some better solutions toward [ wrong preposition ] the [ article error ] congestion. For example, the[article error  ] government can broaden the road in order to speed up (the[ article error ] flow of traffic)[verbose/rephrase  ] . Besides, traffic restrictions like the odd-even number-plate restriction will[ change to conditional writing ] also be helpful.

    To conclude, charging a fee towards[ wrong preposition ] the drivers on a[  article error] busy road is unfair and impractical. There are some better ways to solve the problem.