Famous entertainers and athletes deserve to have more privacy than they have now. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. TOEFL Writing Famous entertainers and athletes deserve to have more privacy than they have now. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

  • 77today_
    University: BUPT
    Nationality: China
    January 29, 2020 at 7:11 am

    Famous entertainers and athletes deserve to have more privacy than they have now. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

    Celebrities and sports stars have been known to live low privacy lives. Surrounded by paparazzi and long-lens cameras, they live in a spotlight that follows everywhere. Personally, I believe celebrities’ lives are over-exposed and should be given more space. The reasons are as follows.

    To begin with, overexposure is a form of disruption. Nobody deserves a life to be monitored and discussed. Top page news of celebrities’ life details, marriage status and behaviors are spread out, without any permissions. Haven’t we seen secretly taken bikini shots or celebrity kids? Haven’t we heard the terrible news of stealth mode stalkers breaking in? Such infringement of personal space is by no means for anyone to stay safe or healthy.

    To elaborate, gossips may be lies and hurt the truth. Celebrities’ news is just a way for tablets and gossip websites to make money. They publish made-up facts with exaggerating titles, click-baiting netizens so as to have more views. Yet, rumors hide the truth and hurt people. It is hard to explain even if a party is innocent.  Such behaviors should not be encouraged. Also, news facilities should really follow a career code and give privacy back to people owning it.

    Lastly, celebrities’ personal information are more likely to be leaked. Not only identifications, but email accounts and credit card numbers are sold online to crazy fans and spy. The loss of such critical information endangered anyone, that a person can be fetched or steal money from. In such case, the information of famous entertainers and athletes should be of particular protection.

    To sum up, celebrities need further protection of privacy, yet have been deprived of it often. This is unjust and cruel. They sure deserve more than this, and it is the responsibility of anyone who has been hurting their privacy to give it back.

    77today_
    University: BUPT
    Nationality: China
    January 29, 2020 at 1:22 pm

    Revision:

    Celebrities and sports stars have been known to live low privacy lives. Surrounded by paparazzi and long-lens cameras, they live in a spotlight that follows everywhere. Personally, I believe celebrities’ lives are over-exposed and should be given more space. The reasons are as follows.

     

    To begin with, overexposure is a form of disruption. Nobody deserves a life to be monitored and discussed. Top page news of celebrities’ life details, marriage status and behaviors are spread out, without any permissions. Haven’t we seen secretly taken bikini shots or celebrity kids? Haven’t we heard the terrible news of stealth mode stalkers breaking in? Such infringement of personal space is by no means for anyone to stay safe or healthy.

     

    To elaborate, gossips may be lies and hurt the truth. Celebrities’ news is just a way for tabloids and gossip websites to make money. They publish made-up facts with exaggerating titles, click-baiting netizens so as to have more views. Yet, rumors hide the truth and hurt people. It is hard to explain even if a party is innocent.  Such behaviors should not be encouraged. Also, news facilities should really follow a career code and give privacy back to people owning it.

     

    Lastly, celebrities’ personal information are more likely to be leaked. Not only identifications, but email accounts and credit card numbers are sold online to crazy fans and spy. The loss of such critical information endangered anyone, that a person can be fetched or steal money from. In such case, the information of famous entertainers and athletes should be of particular protection.

     

    To sum up, celebrities need further protection of privacy, yet have been deprived of it often. This is unjust and cruel. They sure deserve more than this, and it is the responsibility of anyone who has been hurting their privacy to give it back.

    February 1, 2020 at 10:45 pm

    I will revise this essay until you fully complete the revision of your other essay.

    77today_
    University: BUPT
    Nationality: China
    February 7, 2020 at 8:15 am

    Revision:

    Celebrities and sports stars have been known to live low privacy lives. Surrounded by paparazzi and long-lens cameras, they live in spotlights that follow everywhere. I believe celebrities’ lives are over-exposed and should be given more space. The reasons are as follows.

    To begin with, overexposure is a form of disruption. Top page news of celebrities’ life details, marriage status and behaviors are spread out, without any permissions. Secretly taken photos are all over the internet and news of stalkers breaking in celebrities’ houses frequently shows. Such infringement of personal space endangers one’s safety and health. Nobody deserves a life to be monitored.

    To elaborate, gossips may be lies and cover the truth. Celebrities’ news is just a way for tabloids and gossip websites to make money. They publish made-up facts with exaggerating titles, click-baiting netizens so as to have more views. However, it is hard to clarify rumors and fix public images even if a person is innocent. Thus, news facilities should follow their career code and take a step out of celebrities’ private lives.

    Lastly, celebrities’ personal information is more likely to be leaked, including identifications, email account, and flight numbers. The loss of critical information compromises anyone since a person can be stalked or steal money from. In such cases, the information of famous entertainers and athletes should be of particular protection.

    In summary, celebrities need further protection of privacy, yet have been deprived of it often. This is unjust and cruel. They sure deserve more than this, and it is the responsibility of the public to give it back.

    77today_
    University: BUPT
    Nationality: China
    February 22, 2020 at 7:25 am

    Revision:
    Celebrities and sports stars have been known to live low privacy lives. Surrounded by paparazzi and long-lens cameras, they live in a spotlight that follows everywhere. Overall, I believe celebrities’ lives are over-exposed and should be given more space. The reasons are as follows.

    To begin with, celebrities can not hide their life trails. Sometimes, the extent of exposure becomes unsafe. For example, top page news of celebrities’ life details, marriage status and behaviors are spread out without any permissions. Secretly taken photos are all over the internet and news of stalkers breaking in celebrities’ houses frequently shows. Such infringement of personal space endangers anyone. Nobody deserves a life to be monitored or tracked.

    To elaborate, gossips may be lies and cover the truth. Celebrities’ news is just a way for tabloids and gossip websites to make money. They publish made-up facts with exaggerating titles, click-baiting netizens for views. However, it is hard to clarify rumors and fix public images even if a person is innocent. Thus, news facilities should follow their career code and take a step out of celebrities’ private lives.

    Lastly, celebrities’ personal information is more likely to be leaked, including identifications, email account, and flight numbers. The loss of critical information is risky for anyone since one can be stalked or steal money from. Today, electronic scams are so rampant that smart scammers can start with very little information and deceive people’s money. Everyone needs extra vigilance. In such cases, the information of famous entertainers and athletes should be of particular protection.

    In summary, celebrities need further protection of privacy, yet have been deprived of it often. This is unjust and cruel. They sure deserve more than this, and it is the responsibility of the public to give it back.

    77today_
    University: BUPT
    Nationality: China
    February 22, 2020 at 7:32 am

    Revision:
    Celebrities and sports stars have been known to live low privacy lives. Surrounded by paparazzi and long-lens cameras, they live in a spotlight that follows everywhere. Overall, I believe celebrities’ lives are over-exposed and should be given more space. The reasons are as follows.

    To begin with, celebrities can not hide their life trails. Sometimes, the extent of exposure becomes unsafe. For example, top page news of celebrities’ life details, marriage status and behaviors are spread out without any permissions. Secretly taken photos are all over the internet and news of stalkers breaking in celebrities’ houses frequently shows. Such infringement of personal space endangers anyone. Nobody deserves a life to be monitored or tracked.

    Furthermore, gossips may be lies and cover the truth. Celebrities’ news is just a way for tabloids and gossip websites to make money. They publish made-up facts with exaggerating titles, click-baiting netizens for views. However, it is hard to clarify rumors and fix public images even if a person is innocent. Thus, news facilities should follow their career code and take a step out of celebrities’ private lives.

    Lastly, celebrities’ personal information is more likely to be leaked, including identifications, email account, and flight numbers. The loss of critical information is risky for anyone since one can be stalked or steal money from. Today, electronic scams are so rampant that smart scammers can start with very little information and deceive people’s money. Everyone needs extra vigilance. In such cases, the information of famous entertainers and athletes should be of particular protection.

    In summary, celebrities need further protection of privacy, yet have been deprived of it often. This is unjust and cruel. They sure deserve more than this, and it is the responsibility of the public to give it back.

    February 24, 2020 at 3:28 am

    Score: 59.5

    Issues:

    1. About 30% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    77today_
    University: BUPT
    Nationality: China
    February 24, 2020 at 10:32 am

    Revision:

    Celebrities and sports stars are known to live low privacy lives. Surrounded by paparazzi and long-lens cameras, they live in spotlights that follow everywhere. As such, I believe celebrities’ lives are over-exposed and need more space.

    To begin with, celebrities can not hide what they do. Their appearances, relationships, and behaviors remain in the public eye constantly. Anything they do becomes the news, which will appear on headlines whether they like it or not. Sometimes, the spotlight becomes unsafe. News of stalkers breaking in celebrities’ houses frequently shows, since public attention makes famous people easier to track. Such infringement of personal space endangers anyone.

    Additionally, gossips may be lies. Celebrities’ news is a way for tabloids and gossip websites to make money. They publish made-up facts with exaggerating titles, click-baiting netizens for views. Yet, it is hard to fix public images even if a person is innocent. Lawsuits can not kill all the rumors, no matter how expensive they are. Thus, news agencies should follow their career code and stop making money from smearing.

    Lastly, celebrities’ information is more likely to be leaked, such as identifications and email accounts. Today, everyone needs extra guards on their digital identity. If you lose your passwords, all your property will be in danger. Conners can scam people’s money from little information. In this case, the private information of famous entertainers should be of particular protection.

    In summary, celebrities need further protection of privacy, yet have been deprived of it often. This is unjust and cruel. They sure deserve more than this, and it is the responsibility of the public to give it back.

    February 24, 2020 at 5:08 pm

    Final Revision

    Score: 62.7

    Issues:

    1. More than 10% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.

    Celebrities and sports stars [unparalleled concepts  ]are known to live lowprivacy lives. Surrounded by paparazzi and long-lens cameras, they live [repetition  ]in [ article error ]spotlights that follow everywhere[ unclear ]. As such[ use another transitory word/phrase ], I believe celebrities’ lives are over-exposed and need[ unparalleled voice ] more space[ logical confusion ].

    To begin with, celebrities can not[ spelling ] hide what they do[ logical incompleteness ]. Their appearances, relationships, and behaviors remain[  absolute statment] in the public eye constantly[ misplaced adverb]. Anything they do becomes the news, which will [absolute statement  ] appear on [article error  ] headlines whether they like it or not. Sometimes, the spotlight becomes unsafe[unclear  ] . News of stalkers breaking in celebrities’ houses frequently shows[ logical incompleteness ] , [punctuation error  ] since public attention makes famous people easier to track. Such infringement of personal space endangers anyone[ unrelated ] .

    Additionally, gossips may be[dull BE verb  ] lies. Celebrities’ news is a way for tabloids and gossip websites to make money. They[ unclear pronoun ] publish made-up facts[self-conlicting  ] with exaggerating titles, click-baiting netizens for views. Yet, it is hard to fix public images even if a person is innocent.[ unrelated ] Lawsuits can not[ spelling error ] kill all the[article error  ] rumors, no matter how expensive[ unclear ] they are. Thus, news agencies should follow their career code[wrong phrase  ] and stop making money from smearing[unclear  ] .

    Lastly, celebrities’ information is more likely to be leaked[passive  ] , (such as identifications and email accounts) [ misplacement ] . Today, everyone needs extra guards on their digital identity. If you[shift of person  ] lose your passwords, all your property[unclear/digital properties  ] will be in danger[ absolute statement ] . Conners can scam people’s money from little information. In this case, the private information of famous entertainers should be of particular protection.

    In summary, celebrities need further [wrong word  ] protection of privacy, yet have been deprived of it often[  grammatical error] . This[ unclear pronoun ] is unjust and cruel. They sure deserve more than this, and it is the responsibility of the public to give it back.