Some people believe famous people ‘s support towards international aid organizations draws attention to problems, while others think celebrities make the problems less important.
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July 9, 2019 at 2:28 pm
IELTS Writing Topic:: Some people believe famous people ‘s support towards international aid organizations draws attention to problems, while others think celebrities make the problems less important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
People have various opinions on the involvement of celebrities in international charity organizations. In my opinion, famous people can help theses charities out of the woods.
On the on hand, famous people can make the charities more noticable, so that they will be supported by more people and groups. Celebrities are highly exposed to and frequently discussed by ordinary people. This means that they are able to invisibly bring a high exposure to these organizations in obscurity for years. With the publicity given by celebrities, it is easy to arouse the attention of the society, especially of some rich people who are able to provide financial support. Besides, the followers may also donate a number of money in the name of idols in order to show their cares of idol’s careers.
On the other hand, famous stars participating in these global aid organizations sometimes may distract public interests from the charity thing itself, even lead to counteractive results. First, instead of focusing on charity events, some tabloids are more interested in the gossip of involved celebrities. Second, some famous people only regard charitable participation as a way to gaining attention and building their sympathetic images. For example, the Chinese star Yang Mi has been criticized her defraud of donations for a long time. Once their dishonest is revealed, it not only affect their credits but also hurt people’s trust in related organizations.
In conclusion, though there are concerns about the participation of celebrities in aid organizations, I still believe that famous people can bring benefits to charitable activities.
July 9, 2019 at 10:04 pmScore: 45.5
Suggestions for Improvement
- Convert passive sentences into their active counterparts;
- Shorten/split sentences exceeding 20 words.
Problems Highlight
People have various opinions on the involvement of celebrities in international charity organizations. In my opinion, famous people can help theses [spelling error]charities out of the woods.
On the on [spelling error]hand, famous people can make the[article error] charities more noticable[spelling error], so that they will be supported by [passive]more people and groups. Celebrities are highly exposed to and frequently discussed by ordinary people. This [Unclear pronoun]means that they are able to invisibly bring a high exposure to these organizations in obscurity for years. With the publicity given by celebrities, it is easy to arouse the attention of the society, especially of some rich people who are able to [Repetition]provide financial support.[Verbose] Besides, the followers may also donate a number of money [Grammatical Error]in the name of idols in order to show their cares of idol’s careers.[Verbose]
On the other hand, famous stars participating in these global aid organizations sometimes may distract public interests from the charity thing itself, even lead to counteractive results. [Verbose]First, instead of focusing on charity events, some tabloids are more interested in the gossip of involved celebrities. [Verbose]Second, some famous people only regard charitable participation as a way to [preposition error]gaining attention and building their sympathetic images. [Verbose]For example, the Chinese star Yang Mi has been criticized [Passive] her defraud of donations for a long time. Once their dishonest is revealed [Passive], it not only affect [grammatical error]their credits but also hurt people’s trust in related organizations.
In conclusion, though there are concerns about the participation of celebrities in aid organizations, I still believe that famous people can bring benefits to charitable activities. [Verbose]
Comment: There are more errors than those highlighted ones. Please revise and resubmit your essay for further assessment and revision. Regards.
