Films and computer games containing violence are popular. Some people say they have negative effect on society and should be banned. Others say they are just harmless relaxation. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. IELTS Writing Films and computer games containing violence are popular. Some people say they have negative effect on society and should be banned. Others say they are just harmless relaxation. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

  • Mano
    University: The university of Macau
    Nationality: China
    June 29, 2020 at 2:58 am

    Films and computer games containing violence are popular. Some people say they have negative effect on society and should be banned. Others say they are just harmless relaxation. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

    There is a phenomenon that sufficient films and computer games are inundated with violent factors. It is considered by some that these forced media, which have a negative impact on human society, need to be forbidden, while others view them as common leisure tools. In my opinion, although it is inappropriate to completely ban these violent films and games, we should take measures to regulate them.

    According to some people, the main reason for prohibition is that violent media incites people to do harm to society. This is because people, especially teenagers, are more likely to act violently, as they have become accustomed to violent recreation. For example, it has too many bloody, criminal and fearful scenes, like shooting a child with a gun or killing animals with knives. As a result, people take them for granted, and then they see violence as a legitimate way to solve real conflicts while the consequences are underestimated by them. If there are no ban on these films and games, people will get more lost in them because of their constant popularity.

    Despite the criticism against the media violence, other people argue that there is no need to prohibit them.  The first reason is that this kind of virtual leisure only appear on the Internet with little impact on reality. The other one is they are new things that cannot be experienced in life, which can better keep people in a good mood. Without new experiences from violent films and games, people are under pressures to do things.

    In my view, it is unnecessary to make a ban on films and games which include violence, but some measures should be adopted. Firstly, relevant government departments need to strengthen the management of violent elements in the media. Secondly, it is a fact that youngsters have lower discrimination skills than adults, so paying extra attention to where they may be exposed or like, such as popular games and movies featuring teens’ favorite actors.

    In conclusion, the best way to solve this problems is to tighten proper regulation rather than ban violent films and games.

    June 29, 2020 at 3:04 am

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. About 60% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    2. About 25% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    June 29, 2020 at 3:04 am

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