For success in a future job, the ability to relate well to people is more important than studying hard in school

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. TOEFL Writing For success in a future job, the ability to relate well to people is more important than studying hard in school

  • ply
    University: 中北大学
    Nationality: 中国
    October 12, 2020 at 3:04 am

    For success in a future job, the ability to relate well to people is more important than studying hard in school.

    Nowadays, how to succeed in a future job is an earnest concern in many countries. Some people claim that work hard in school is more important than the ability to relative well. However, from my point of perspective, I suggest the ability is more important.

     

    First of all, the communication ability is a very important factor to gain success in our future career. To be more specific, since some people have excellent communication skills, the other colleague will be willing to cooperate with them. Friendly teamwork causes people to finish their work more efficiently. As a result, high-level efficiency makes people gain success. For instance, there are two inter-student joined the company for the first time. Alex is an active boy, he has a great communication skill, so he could quickly integrate into the new environment. John was a student with good grades in university, but he always not good at communicating with people. As we know, most of the projects in a company need teamwork to finish, because the excellent communication skills, Alex completed the first very quickly with other colleague and got the appreciation of the leader. In contrast, John just did the project alone and he found the knowledge from textbooks is different from the actual problem. As a result, Alex gains success in his career.

     

    What’s more, leadership is also an important factor to get success in people’s future job. As we know, most successful entrepreneurs are their company’s leader. Since good leadership could use an excellent team to make the company developing better. Thus, leadership is what makes people successful. For example, Bill never got good grades during the university, but he was the president of the student union, thus, his leadership had been fully exercised. For all I know, Bill and some good students work in a medium-sized enterprise when they graduated. The leader distributed a project to them, no one known how to do it. Because of Bill’s excellent leadership, he organized all the new employees finishing their first project perfectly. As a result, the leaders attached more importance to him, and train him as a management of the company. Now, Bill is top management in the company and some good students still work for him.

     

    For those reasons, we can safely conclude that the ability to relate well is too important, and it will help people to be more successful in their careers.

    October 12, 2020 at 3:27 pm

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. Lengthy paragraphs. Restrict each paragraph to 90 words.
    2. About 15% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    ply
    University: 中北大学
    Nationality: 中国
    October 13, 2020 at 3:18 am

    Nowadays, how to succeed in a future job is an earnest concern in many countries. Some people claim that work hard in school is more important than the ability to relative well. From my point of perspective, I believe that ability is more important.

     

    First of all, communication ability is a very important factor in our future career. To be more specific, people will be willing to cooperate with colleagues who communicate well. Friendly teamwork causes people to finish their work more efficiently. As a result, high-level efficiency makes people gain success. For instance, two interns joined the company for the first time. Alex is an active boy with great communication skills so he can quickly integrate into the new environment. John was a student with good grades in university, but he has never been good at communicating with others. As we know, most of the projects in a company need teamwork to finish. Because of the excellent communication skills, Alex completed the first project very fast with other colleagues and got the leader’s appreciation. In contrast, John was just working alone and made a lot of mistakes in the project. As a result, Alex gains success in his career.

     

    What’s more, leadership is also a significant factor to gain success in people’s future jobs. As we know, most successful entrepreneurs are their company’s leader. Since excellent leaders could use an excellent team to make their company developing better. Thus, leadership makes people successful. For example, Bill never got good grades during the university. However, he was the president of the student union and his leadership had been fully exercised. For all I know, Bill and some good students work in a medium-sized enterprise when they graduated. The leader distributed a project to them, no one known how to do it. Because of Bill’s excellent leadership, he refined the task into small modules and assign them to each new colleague what they were good at. Suddenly, everyone knew what they should do and completed perfectly. As a result, the leaders attached more importance to Bill, and train him as a management of the company. Now, Bill is top management in the company and some good students still work for him.

     

    For those reasons, I firmly believe that study hard is not all, relevant workability is the key to helping people succeed in their careers.

    October 13, 2020 at 4:06 pm

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. Lengthy paragraphs. Restrict each paragraph to 90 words.
    2. About 10% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.
    3. Clearly state your argument in the introduction. Why do you believe ability is more important?
    4. Reduce the use of transition phrases, they are not necessary for every sentence.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.