Some people say government should give healthcare the first priorities; others believe there are more important priorities to spend the taxpayers’ money. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. IELTS Writing Some people say government should give healthcare the first priorities; others believe there are more important priorities to spend the taxpayers’ money. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

  • sodadada
    University: OUC
    Nationality: China
    July 1, 2020 at 1:22 am

    Some people say government should give healthcare the first priorities; others believe there are more important priorities to spend the taxpayers’ money. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

    Healthcare service has been a global concern for many years. Although some people believe that it is the government’s responsibility to put healthcare service in the first place, others argue that government should allocate money to handle other social issues. I feel that government should spend money evenly in solving social problems.

    The main reason why so many people support prioritizing healthcare service is thathealthcare service improves well-being of the country’s residents. Coping with the fast-paced life, many people suffer from some certain illnesses, such as black lung and cardiovascular disease, resulted from the workplace and lifestyle. If government strongly promoted universal healthcare, people would suffer less from diseases and live longer, healthier, and happier lives.

    Despite the importance of prioritizing healthcare service, others argue that taking into account other social issues, such as poverty, is in urgent need. Poverty traps individuals and decreases mobility. Children who have a scanty background are more likely to end up being poor, compared to children from upper-income families. These poor adults are also more likely to have poor children of their own. Furthermore, people trapped in poverty may undermine social stability, as they are much more likely to end up unemployed or imprisoned.

    In my opinion, healthcare is not the first priority for governments to consider. Social issues are connected. People do not die so much from illnesses as from poverty. Instead of trying to cure disease, government can help prevent it from happening in the first place. If every individual had access to education, for instance, they would have a better chance to facilitate their future with a promising career prospect so that they could afford healthcare without government’s support.

    In conclusion, countries should spend taxpayers’ money wisely on vital services that benefit the whole community.

    July 1, 2020 at 11:28 pm

    Score: 51.7

    Issues:

    1. About 30% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    2. About 20% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.