Governments should spend more money in support of arts than in support of athletics such as state-sponsored Olympic teams.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. TOEFL Writing Governments should spend more money in support of arts than in support of athletics such as state-sponsored Olympic teams.

  • Brucy
    University: Wuhan University of Technology
    Nationality: China
    April 22, 2020 at 1:16 pm

    Governments should spend more money in support of arts than in support of athletics such as state-sponsored Olympic teams.

    of the arts than in support of athletics. Spending money to support athletics, in some people’s views, is useless. Contrary to these people’s opinions, is my perspective that the government should spend money to support athletics, due to the contribution to civilization and country.
    Spending money in support of athletics, rather than supporting the arts, is beneficial for civilizations to keep good health, by providing people more sport space and find their interest. To begin with, with the money provided by the government, people might get more activity space and equipment for athletics. To be more specific, with the support of the government, various activities and equipment, such as soccer fields, courts and gyms. With the support of the government, more civilization will be interested in sports. In detail, the interests of sports makes people take more exercise with their friend such as running or playing football together, which will enable people to keep healthy; hardly can they take a lot of exercise when more money is spent on arts.
    Equally important, a country, by spending money on athletics, can benefit by acquiring more reputation and earned money. Initially, with the support of government, the country will be able to gain a lot of reputation and even became well-known in the world. To explain it further, athletes can win more medals if the government put more money in the field of athletics, and the country will be known by more people through the athlete. However, a country can hardly get famous through its modern artwork. Moreover, the country can earn a lot of money through this process. In detail, as the country becomes more famous, it will promote the tourism business which can lead to a high profit.
    The athletic, essential for a country, will benefit the civilization and country, if the government chooses to spend more money in support of it. In conclusion, only spending more money in support of the athletic can the country and civilization get more benefit.

     

    April 23, 2020 at 3:13 pm

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. About 50% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    2. About 20% of the sentences are passive. Convert them into their active counterparts.
    3. Lengthy paragraphs. Restrict each paragraph to 80 words.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.