Governments should spend more money in support of the arts than in support of athletics such as state-sponsored Olympic teams.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. TOEFL Writing Governments should spend more money in support of the arts than in support of athletics such as state-sponsored Olympic teams.

  • KINSA
    University: SouthEast University
    Nationality: China
    March 16, 2021 at 1:29 pm

    Governments should spend more money in support of the arts than in support of athletics such as state-sponsored Olympic teams.

    It is critically imprtant that we spend less time caring about art items, such as paintings, songs,etc. Personally,I believe that we shall use more money and effort on arts. I feel this way for two reasons,which I will explore in the following essay.

    To begin with, nowadays people have spent their leisure time on watching sports games, for example, basketball,soccer, table-tennis and so on. In contrast, we are less careless about arts which is not only the popularity of sport that can bring much more ecnomical benifts but also the fault of gonernment that they ignore the arts.If we let this continue, or worse, give the athletics more money suport, there will be nobody loving art. My personal experence is a complling illustration of this. Honestly, my father is hooked by the NBA and CBA,and he usually plays basketball near the gym, which has been built a few years ago. There is no way for us getting closer to the art, because we have to travel long to the art museum. If there is a art exhibition near by, we would immediately go to see it and enjoy the atmosphere of art.

    Futhermore, art can build up a man’s spirit space, which is vital to the growth of human being. As we all know, if you are stong in mind, you would be unstoppable to achieve everything you want. Thus,the money spent on art can strength the mind of the whole nation, it’s a everlasting issue of the gonvernment. For instance, when I was young, I was deeply imressed with the sclupture David whose eyes show his ambition and passion to defeat his enemy. It has benefited me a lot since then.

    In conlusion, I strongly believe that use more money to help the arts is better to help the atletics. This is because we shall raise people’s concern on art and art can help our nation build up vitures that is essential to us.

     

     

    March 16, 2021 at 5:34 pm

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. About 45% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Simplify or split them. (TOEFL/IELTS: 15%- qualifies for non-software revision; 30% applies to GRE writing)
    2. About 15% of the sentences are passive; convert them into their active counterparts. (10%- qualifies for non-software TOEFL/IELTS/GRE writing revision );
    3. Lots of grammatical errors.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    March 16, 2021 at 5:35 pm

    Please add my WeChat and remind me of sending you screenshot reviews.

    KINSA
    University: SouthEast University
    Nationality: China
    March 17, 2021 at 1:29 am

    I’m new here so I don’t know how to find your Wechat ID,sorry.

    KINSA
    University: SouthEast University
    Nationality: China
    March 18, 2021 at 3:00 am

    It’s hard to deny that athletics can build up a nation’s body, and such a fact leads impressionable people to generate the opinion that governments should divert more money to help the athletics. However, such a statement suffers from both logical and factual fallacies. And it should be examined meticulously. As far as fairness, culture, and economy are concerned, I hold that government should focus more on arts.

    Arts are equal to everyone in the whole nation. We can make an atmosphere that each human is willing to enjoy the arts. Especially for the low-incomes, they also have a chance to get access to the beauty of arts, to build up their mind spirits. By doing this, our whole nation will form a desire towards not only the beauty of mind, but also of the bodies. We can achieve both at the same time by just supporting arts.

    Furthermore, the fact that culture is related to arts indicates that arts do promote the culture. Take the case of Japan-just a small country, but has typical kinds of cartoons, comics, novels. As a result, the Japanese culture spreads throughout the world and it’s well known to us, such as Ninja. Had it not been for the supporting for arts, Japan would never accomplished such a huge culture kingdom.

    Nevertheless, a voice arises that it will create more jobs by building gyms equipped with athletics facilities. Ironically, such a huge project costs lots of money. Therefore, spending money on arts is a long-term and thus a economy-friendly issue. We can save the money and cost little each year. And with time goes on, the country will have a strong industry of culture to create adequate jobs.

    In conclusion, I believe that the government shall divert its more resources to arts. This is because it’s fairness, nation’s culture and economical benefit.

    March 20, 2021 at 3:15 pm

    It’s hard to deny that[Redundant   ] (athletics can build up a nation’s body)[ unclear  ], and such a fact leads impressionable people to generate the opinion that [believe that   ]governments should divert more money to help the [ sufficiently fund  ]athletics. However[ wrong word  ], (such a)[ repetition  ] statement suffers from both logical and factual fallacies. And it should be examined meticulously. As far as fairness, culture, and economy are concerned, I hold that government should focus more on arts.

    (Arts are equal to everyone in the whole nation)[ unclear  ]. [ missing transition words  ]We can make[ wrong word  ] an atmosphere that[ wrong word  ] each human[wrong word   ] is willing to enjoy the arts. Especially for (the low-incomes)[ unclear  ], they also have a chance to (get access to)[wordy   ] the beauty of arts, [ grammatical error  ]to build up their (mind spirits)[ unclear  ]. By doing this, (our whole nation will form a desire towards not only the beauty of mind, but also of the bodies)[ unclear  ]. [ missing transition word  ]We can achieve both at the same time by just supporting arts.

    Furthermore, the fact that culture is related to arts [ word form error  ]indicates that arts [ word form error  ]do promote the culture. (Take the case of Japan-just a small country)[ grammatical error  ], but[ grammatical error  ] has typical kinds of cartoons, comics, [ grammatical error  ]novels. As a result, the [article error   ]Japanese culture spreads throughout the world and it[unclear pronoun   ]’s well known to us, (such as Ninja)[misplaced   ]. Had it not been for the supporting[word form error   ] for arts, Japan would never accomplished[wrong word/grammatical error   ] such a huge culture kingdom.

    Nevertheless, a voice arises that it [ unclear pronoun  ]will create more jobs by building gyms equipped with athletics[ redunda nt  ] facilities. Ironically, such a huge project costs lots of money. Therefore, spending money on arts is a long-term and thus a [ article error  ]economy-friendly issue. We can save the[ article error  ] money and cost little each year. And [ coordinating conjunction error  ]with time goes on, [ punctuation error  ]the country[ unclear  ] will have a strong industry of culture to create adequate jobs.

    In conclusion, I believe that the government shall [wrong word   ]divert its more resources to arts. This is because it[  unclear pronon ]’s fairness, nation’s culture and economical benefit[ word form error  ].