Governments should spend more money in support of the arts than in support of athletics such as state-sponsored Olympic teams. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. TOEFL Writing Governments should spend more money in support of the arts than in support of athletics such as state-sponsored Olympic teams. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

  • brandons
    University: University of science and technology of China
    Nationality: Chinese
    July 3, 2020 at 6:00 pm

    Governments should spend more money in support of the arts than in support of athletics such as state-sponsored Olympic teams. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

    It is without doubt that both art and athletics play an important role in our daily lives. Everyday we have to exposed to ourselves to TV and internet in which all kinds of art works are included such as TV series, theater movies and homemade videos.We can hardly imagine a life without art because without them, our lives would become boring and colorless.From my perspective, art can not be substituted by anything like athletics, therefore the government should spend more money to support arts than in support of athletics.

    Art can bring a lot of benefits not only to our daily lives, but also to our culture of nations. Nowadays with the development of economics and technology, a large group of people especially young generations prefer to spend a lot of time and energy in movie theaters to kill their time on vacation.Therefore we can make more profits if governments pay attention to the development of movies.Young generations don’t hesitate to buy tickets as well as drinks and snacks in the theater so as to entertainment themselves.What’s more, we can spread our culture to other countries as well as build up our confidence in the meantime. For example, there are a lot of Hollywood movies all over the world. No one can deny that they have no idea what American movies are. Young generations of different countries admire the culture of United States, which in turn bring a lot of tourists to the United States.

    On the other hand, we can not deny the fact that athletics is significant to our development of society because it is capable of advocating more people to exercise to keep good shape. We can learn how to cooperate with each other after we watch some sports games on TV. However I insist on the idea that athletics is less significant compared with art. First of all, it costs a big sum of money to build Olmpic stadiums which take up big room. In contrast, if we use the room in the center of the city to build more commercial buildings like shopping malls or amusement parks, it will bring more tourists and much more profits. Secondly, a small group of people get actively involved in the Olympic games. Therefore it is not worth spending a larger sum of money to train athletes and hire more professional trainers. Most people in the city can be benefit from this policy.

    In a word, I think the government should spend more money in art for all the reasons above. And I also believe such investments will bring us a lot of benefits economically and culturally.

    July 4, 2020 at 3:03 am

     

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. About 30% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    2. About 20% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.
    3. Lengthy paragraphs. Restrict each paragraph to 90 words.
    4. Extensive grammatical errors.
    5. Lengthy essay. Restrict your essay to 320 words.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.