Governments should spend more money in support of the arts than in support of athletics such as state-sponsored Olympic teams. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

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Issues:

1. About 35% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
2. Many sentences are logically disconnected.
3. Some sentences are factually wrong.

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Throughout these years, governments keep advertising the goodness of doing sports and developing a healthy body[ unclear/factual error ]. It[ unclear pronoun ] is partly due to the [ article error ]huge influence of the Olympic Games on our society. However, in this day and age, many people argue that, instead of athletics[ misplaced/dangling ], governments[ word form error ] should distribute more money to (supporting the development of arts)[ verbose ]. In my opinion, I side with this statement[ repetition of same information ].

First of all, the development of Olympics sports (is far ahead that of)[ use effective verb ] arts. Every year, a huge amount of money has been[ tense error ] allocated to the sports area, [ punctuation error ]in order to improve[ wrong word ] the equipment, to expand the training area and to pay the trainers sky-high remuneration[broad/vague  ]. On the contrary, the area of arts (does not seem to be)[wordy  ] as lucky as them[unclear pronoun  ]. I seldom saw any mainstream media posting art-related program[ word form error ], not to mention how poor students’ aesthetic education is.

Furthermore, I have to acknowledge that the whole nation’s ability to appreciate artworks (is not)[ use active verb/avoid using nOT ] adequate. For example, many of us actually[meaningless adverb  ] lack the ability to understand the beauty of a specific artwork. Whereas, [it[unclear pronoun  ] is a piece of cake for us to][ use formal writing ] complete a 100-meter running task in the stadium. Therefore, governments[ word form error ] should do something to enrich our spiritual world.

Lastly, the most important reason lies in (the gap in the salary)[wordy  ] between sportsmen and art workers. As we all know[ redundant ], an athlete has many kinds of subsidies in [China  ] our country, and if becoming famous, he/she will[absolute writing – change to conditional writing  ] have some profitable endorsements. In contrast, many talented artists don’t have a stable income until they become a little famous.

In conclusion, governments[ word form error ] should spend more on arts than athletics. I believe in that because a powerful[ word choice error ] government is the one that strives to advocates equality. Besides, a wholesome society not only needs sturdy bodies but also eyes that can look for beauty.

Throughout these years, governments have been advertising the merits of doing sports and developing a healthy body. It [ unclear pronoun ]is partly due to the huge influence of the Olympic Games on our society. However, recently [recently…many people argued  ] many people argue that, instead of (athletics, governments) [ comparison issue ] should distribute more money to supporting the development of arts. In my opinion, I side with this statement.

First of all, the development of athletics is far ahead [missing a word here  ]that of arts. Every year, a great deal of money has been allocated to the sports area, [ punctuation error ] in order to improve the equipment, to expand the training area, and to pay the trainers sky-high remuneration. On the contrary, the area of arts does not seem to be as lucky as them [ unclear pronoun ]. I seldom saw any mainstream media propagate the importance of arts to our life, not to mention the perfunctory attitude most schools take towards students’ aesthetic education. There is no doubt that we need to pay more attention to supporting arts to balance both sides.

Furthermore, we need to admit that a lot [ many ] of us have an inadequate ability to appreciate artworks. For example, many people seldom go to the gallery or a museum, nor read any books related to arts. I remember when I was traveling abroad, there was a famous church filled with a sea of visitors, but most people just went inside and cast a fleeting glance at the paintings and then left quickly with an empty head. Arts were initially made to enrich our life, [ punctuation error ]whereas we don’t develop enough interest in arts [unclear  ].

Lastly, although holding the Olympic Games could show how powerful a country is, it is actually arts that prompt the development of a society. For instance, the Renaissance had inspired a lot of people and freed the spirits of thousands of people. Because of this great influence, people during that period had the courage to challenge the cruel and dark domination. In some way, the profound thoughts remained [embedded  ] in the arts [artistic works/pieces  ]could kindle the light of hope in people’s hearts and bring us to a new page.

In conclusion, governments should spend more on arts than athletics. I believe in that because (a powerful government is the one that strives to move forward comprehensively) [  unclear]. Besides, a wholesome society not only needs strong bodies but also minds that could look for beauty.