In many countries, imprisonment is the most common solution to crimes. However, some people believe that better education will be a more effective solution. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. IELTS Writing In many countries, imprisonment is the most common solution to crimes. However, some people believe that better education will be a more effective solution. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

  • wangyang
    University: Wuhan university
    Nationality: China
    April 9, 2020 at 4:06 am

    In many countries, imprisonment is the most common solution to crimes. However, some people believe that better education will be a more effective solution. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

    Goverments in some countries become accustomed to send criminals into prison and they believe that is the only possible approach.However, i completely agree with the idea that there would be less lawbreakers by  putting foraward educational measures.

    There are several reasons why people should be educated more than before to pevent being criminals.Firstly, it is extremely important to teach children and students legal knowledge.Having a clear perspective of rules and obligations would make teenagers and young adults capable to distinguishi right from wrong.For example,the youngster ganin money from temporary job or community work rather than stolen others’ pocket money.Secondly,in order to tackle the high rate of unemployment ,schools and goverments could provide specific missions and cut-edge equipments for students’ practice.Therefore, teenagers would be well versed with chemistry,deucation,engine and medicine.I imagine if people get well-paid job or regular income.there is no reason for them to break the law.Thirdly,autism ,depression and mania might come into being when children are growing up.Doctors, and community volunteers are expected to accompany them in case of hurting children family members or even sucide.Hence, there would be less argument and fight between family members.The society keep steady might reduce the crime rate.

    Some people claim that the educational measures will not be helpful to the crime rate.They might wondering at this point why some university graduates still commit crimes. ALlthough their concers need to acknowledged and understood , i believe they are perhaps oversimplifying and situation here.Most of graduates have a perfect understanding of rules , obligation , punishmet will be .I suggest only a part of  people would not break the link.It is almost impossible to figure all criminals.

    In conclusion, my view is that goverments and schools should provide training and instruction to children and students, and it is wrong to put all criminals into jails that not change the society situation.

    April 15, 2020 at 11:22 pm

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. About 100% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    2. About 20% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.
    3. Lengthy paragraphs. Restrict each paragraph to 80 words.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.