In many countries, schools have severe problems with student behavior. What do you think are the causes of this? What solution can you suggest?

Score: ungraded

Issues:

1. Word choice errors;
2. Article errors;
3. Simplify sentences and remove unnecessary words;
4. About 70% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them;
5. Lengthy paragraphs. Restrict each paragraph to 90 words;
6. About 40% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.

I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

(It’s [ informal ] common to see that)[ redundant ] the conduction[word choice error  ] of children in schools has been getting troublesome in most countries recently.[ factual error ] (There are )[ Redundant ] a variety of possible factors to this[ unclear verb ] , but effective measures can be executed to tackle this problem.[ passive ]

[  Children’s inappropriate conduct is troubling many parents, which prompts the parents to search for the causes and viable solutions.] In my opinion, A, B, and/or C perhaps lead to the kids’ improper behavior. Also, I believe that parental guidance and schools’ disciplining could effectively deal with this problem. 

In my opinion, three main reasons are to blame for the bad behavior of pupils in school. Firstly, a large number of parents (apply themselves to work)[ unclear ] and[ coordinating conjunction error ] pay little attention to the (educational instruction ) [ redundant ] of their child. Secondly, teachers [ absolute – conditional writing ] concentrate on enhancing students’ scores[unclear  ] instead of improving (the standard of upright conduction)[  unclear] . Finally, their[ unclear pronoun ] classmates, who always[asbolute writing  ] slack off[informal  ] and like to act up in class, have negative effects[ impact ] on [ article error ] children without self-discipline. For example, disruptive[word choice  ] students have short attention in their assignments and intend to chat with others.[redundant  ]

I believe that the following steps can solve (the discipline problems)[unclear  ] to some extent. Parents should (make a balance)[wordy  ] between their work and family[word choice  ] education, [grammatical error  ] fulfill their responsibilities like setting firm rules to their child. Also, teachers should use [adopt/introduce  ] reasonable teaching methods to help students develop good manners (with the support of schools)[ redundant ] . For instance, schools can offer courses in improving students’ autonomy[wrong word  ] , encourage pupils to respect the rights of others, and reward well-behaved students with a scholarship. Meanwhile, teachers can introduce role models like outstanding scientists and excellent artists to children, prompting (their positivity)[ unclear ] in studying( towards a definite goal)[ unclear ] .

In conclusion, schools will continue to[factual error  ] confront with [preposition error  ] the tricky issues unless parents, teachers and schools set clear rules for children.

In many countries, schools have severe problems with student behavior. What do you think are the causes of this? What solution can you suggest?

Children’s inappropriate conduct in school is getting troublesome in most [ prevalent in many ]countries. In my view, [kids’ improper behavior to some degree relates to questionable parental guidance and lax disciplining from teachers and schools.] the incorrect educational ways of parents, teachers and schools perhaps lead to the kid’s improper behavior.[ Use ‘kids’ improper behavior’ as subject to improve logical cohesion between the two sentences.  ] Also, [As such,  ] I believe that correct parental guidance and schools’ disciplining could effectively deal with this problem.

In my opinion, three main reasons are to blame for the [ article error ] (bad behavior of pupils) [make it shorter  ] in school. Firstly, a large number of parents need to work, so they pay little attention to their child’s education. Secondly, many teachers concentrate on [ emphasize ]enhancing students’ academic scores instead of cultivating good manners of students. Finally, the [ article error ] classmates, who often have short attention in [wrong preposition  ] their assignments and like to act up in class, have negative impact on the children without self-discipline. For example, unruly students tend to chat in class and invite others to joining [word form error  ] their activities.

I believe that the following measures can solve the poor [ lax ] discipline problem to some extent. Parents should balance between their work and children [word form error  ] education and [. They need to  ]fulfill their responsibilities like setting firm [ word choice ] rules to [incorrect preposition  ] their child. Also, teachers should adopt reasonable teaching methods to help students develop good manners. Meanwhile, schools can offer courses in improving [to facilitate  ] students’ independence, [and  ]encourage pupils to respect the rights of [ for ]others, and [Additionally, schools could  ]reward well-behaved students with a scholarship. In addition, [As for  ] teachers can [, they could  ]introduce role models like outstanding scientists and excellent artists to children, prompting children’s study positivity [unclear  ].

In conclusion, I think schools will continue to confront the tricky issues unless parents, teachers and schools set clear rules for children.