In many countries, the proportion of older people is steadily increasing. Does this trend have positive or negative effects on the society?
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March 1, 2020 at 2:17 am
In many countries, the proportion of older people is steadily increasing. Does this trend have positive or negative effects on the society?
People’s life expectancy is increasing in many countries, possibly because of the improvements in technology. Although older people can contribute to society, I would argue that the aging population has negative impacts on society.
Imposing burden on taxpayers is one of the problems associated with a higher proportion of senior citizens. Generally, the medical needs and costs would increase in people’s last years of life. That is to say, governments would have to establish the Social Security System, which can provide adequate medical services. It is mainly achieved by setting a higher income tax rate for working people.
The slow pace of work is another adverse impact as the number of senior workers grows. Normally, the working efficiency and the ability to accept new technologies would decline with age. In addition, many older workers hold conservative views on modern innovations, such as electronic payments and online meeting. If they postpone retirement, they would influence companies’ productivity and even the whole economy.
On the other hand, many people consider the senior citizens as valuable assets to society. Most elderly have gained rich experience and established appropriate ways to act towards others. Therefore, they can act as consultants or good role models for those who just entered the society. For example, companies can set up the Employee Training Plan with senior workers representing instructors.
In conclusion, the expansion of life expectancy has imposed strain on health care and made the workforce more stressful. It will influence the economy, although we can take full advantage of old people’s wisdom.
March 3, 2020 at 10:11 pmScore: 49.2
Issues:
- More than 10% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.
I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.
March 4, 2020 at 12:39 amThis is the modified version:
People’s life expectancy is increasing in many countries, possibly because of the improvements in technology. Although older people can contribute to society, I would argue that the aging population has negative impacts on society.
Imposing a burden on taxpayers is one of the problems associated with a higher proportion of senor citizens. Generally, medical needs and costs would increase in people’s last years of life. That is to say governments would have to establish the Social Security System, which can provide adequate medical services. The dominant way of achieving this is to set a higher income tax rate for working people.
The slow pace of work is another adverse impact as the number of senor workers grows. In general, the working efficiency and the ability to accept new technologies would decline with age. That’s because many older workers hold conservative views on modern innovations, such as electronic payments and online meetings. If they postpone retirement, they will influence companies’ productivity and even the whole economy.
On the other hand, many people consider senior citizens as valuable assets to society. Most elderly have gained rich experience and established appropriate ways to act towards others. Therefore, they can act as consultants or good role models for those who just entered the society. For example, companies can set up the Employee Training Plan with senior workers representing instructors.
In conclusion, the expansion of life expectancy has imposed a lot of strain on health care and made the workforce more stressful. It will influence the economy, although we can take full advantage of senior citizens’ wisdom.
March 4, 2020 at 3:01 amScore: 60.1
Final Revision
People’s life expectancy is/has been increasing in many countries, [punctuation error ]possibly because of the improvements in technology. [ lack connection from the prior sentence ]Although older people can contribute to society, I would argue that the aging population[unclear ] has negative impacts on society.
Imposing a burden on taxpayers is one of the problems associated with a higher proportion of senor[ spelling ] citizens. Generally, medical needs and costs would increase in people’s last years of life. That is to say[punctuation error ] governments would have to establish the Social Security System, which can provide adequate medical services. The dominant way of achieving this is to set a higher income tax rate for[ article error ] working people.
The slow pace of work is another adverse impact as the number of senor workers grows. In general, the working efficiency and the ability to accept new technologies would decline with age. That’s [informal ]because many older workers hold conservative views on/towards modern innovations
,such as electronic payments and online meetings. If they postpone retirement, they will influence[ incorrect word/hinder ] companies’ productivity and even the whole economy.On the other hand, many people consider senior citizens as valuable assets to society. Most elderly have gained rich experience and established (appropriate ways to act towards others)[ unclear ]. Therefore, they can act as consultants or good role models for those who just entered the society. For example, companies can set up the Employee Training Plan with senior workers representing instructors.
In conclusion, the expansion of life expectancy has imposed a lot of strain on health care and made the workforce more stressful. It[unclear pronoun ] will influence[use more specific word/influence can be both positive and negative ] the economy, although we can take full advantage of senior citizens’ wisdom.
