In some countries, owning a house rather than renting one is very important for people

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. IELTS Writing In some countries, owning a house rather than renting one is very important for people

  • skycielll
    University: BJFU
    Nationality: China
    August 24, 2020 at 8:05 am

    In some countries, owning a house rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you think this positive or negative? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge.

    People in some countries place much importance on buying their own accommodation than renting one. I believe there are various reasons why this is the case, and the consequence that it leads to would be negative.

    There are two main reasons why people attach great importance to the ownership of a home. First, people under certain cultures may relate the purchase of a house to higher social status and sense of security. For example, under the influence of traditional view, many Chinese people set owning a house as their lifetime goal even at the expense of their current living standard and future income. The second reason why buying a house is highly valued can be explained from financial perspective. In some countries such as China, real state is an industry that keeps thriving. This leads many people to invest on buying and trading the houses, not only to secure a place for living before the accommodation becomes too expensive to afford, but also to make a profit by selling them in time.

    The situation in which everyone seeks to buy a house instead of renting one can be harmful. Firstly, house price will rise disproportionately due to greater demand for houses, and it will eventually become unaffordable for the general public. The unprecedentedly high house price means that people have to suffer from loans and cut their budget of daily living cost. Another negative consequence would be a poorer social stability because many people find it impossible to purchase their own place to live in, losing a sense of purpose. Second, as more investors trade houses solely for making profit, there would be more empty houses in cities, which not only wastes the resources, but also pushes up the price by reducing the available house for sales.

    In conclusion, people’s tendency towards buying houses can be explained in cultural and economic terms, and the overemphasis on owning a house will have negative consequences for the society.

    August 25, 2020 at 2:26 am

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. About 45% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    2. About 10% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.
    3. Your introduction is vague – state your position clearly and provide brief reasoning
    4. Article errors
    5. Singular versus plural errors

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.