In some countries, teenagers have jobs while they are still students. Do you think this is a good idea? Support your opinion by using specific reasons and details.(Full Score)

TOEFL writing sample: In some countries, teenagers have jobs while they are still students. Do you think this is a good idea? Support your opinion by using specific reasons and details.

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As long as citizens obey the laws of their respective nations maintaining a job while studying is largely a personal decision. Families who are in economic need will often ask teenagers to contribute money to the family income. This is a simple fact of life. But I don’t think it’s usually a good idea if the economic factors are not dire.

For instance, in Germany it is unlikely that students will need to seek employment during their studies unless this will help their career preparation. There are scholarships for students from poor families.

It would be better to accept an internship in a corporate work environment than it would be to have to work nights in a 7-11 to support your family. This is of course one benefit of living in a wealthy nation in the modern period.

Since students need to study very hard there is an official policy at some universities that precludes students from working while enrolled. This is the policy at Oxford, for example, and it also shows that the question is related to family income. Most of the students who get into Oxford will receive grants from the government, or they might have wealthy parents. In both these cases, the students generally don’t need to work. Since the university also requests that students not work, it is not a great surprise that in most cases they have more time to attend to their studies.

Studying is not just a matter of completing school assignments and reading books on a list. If students don’t have to work they can often learn the subject matter better. For that reason, I think it is better for students not to work while enrolled in school. I also think it is the responsibility of the government to assist students financially during their studies.

[302 words]

Notes:

1. All of the prompts are from former TOEFL exams.
2. The information available online, i.e., Google search results, is either misleading or wrong relative to length: [an organization] states independent essays should be between 280-320 words. More words than needed is equivalent to more opportunities to make a mistake. Students should be informed re: word count, i.e., MORE WORDS does not mean a higher score.
3. Information concerning paragraphs/content available from [a TOEFL training school], etc. is also wrong: the number of paragraphs is irrelevant and the only important issue re: content is to RESPOND DIRECTLY to the prompt, i.e., the raters/software doesn’t care about structure or content except the latter must Make sense and Must directly respond to the prompt [to preclude prepared essays].
4. UK usage/spelling is entirely acceptable.
5. AVOID complex grammar; avoid ‘Chinese English’ usage; 5 tenses: present, past, future, present perfect [have done/has been], and conditional [would go/could do it] are OPTIMAL.
6. Don’t rewrite the prompt in the first paragraph of your essay…it’s okay to paraphrase [use words that mean the same thing].
7. Recent TOEFL change…students found test takes too long, so there are fewer multiple-choice questions, i.e., essays are now more heavily ‘weighted’]