In some high-tech companies it would be beneficial for the companies to require younger workers to mentor senior workers

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. TOEFL Writing In some high-tech companies it would be beneficial for the companies to require younger workers to mentor senior workers

  • Jessie M
    University: high school
    Nationality: China
    August 24, 2020 at 1:42 am

     In some high-tech companies, especially after the companies have introduced new technology and equipment, it would be beneficial for the companies to require younger workers to mentor senior workers. 

    New technology and equipment being introduced to high-tech companies, nowadays, those companies start changing their mentoring system: not only do senior workers mentor younger workers, but also younger workers mentor senior workers meanwhile. Whether this new system would be beneficial for the companies is concerned by both companies and workers. Considering different prospects, I fall in line with that requiring younger workers to mentor senior would conducive for the companies’ development.

    First of all, younger workers -just step out of universities- own updated skills and knowledge that senior workers don’t have, contributing to the development of whole company. To further explain, the things younger workers learned in the universities are corrected and replenished, which are more accurate and comprehensive than what senior workers have learned. A good case in point is the increasing majors and lessons for a specific fields, making younger workers to be more likely to be specialized than senior workers, being capable of teaching senior workers what senior workers didn’t contact before. Consequently, senior workers being mentored by younger workers would learn latest knowledge and skills that contributed to the development of company.

    In the second place, younger workers learn new things more quickly than senior workers due to better learning ability and higher acceptance. A recent study states that with people aging, the brain get older that are harder to remember and recognize things due to depletion in brain. In this situation, when companies introduce new technology and equipment, younger workers handle new things in a fast pace, so that they could help and instruct senior workers, making everyone catch the pace of the times. In contrast, letting senior workers to learn the new technology firstly and then mentor younger workers would take longer time and be less efficient. Hence, it is beneficial for companies requiring younger workers to mentor senior workers, when new things arrive.

    In conclusion, considering younger workers master updated knowledge and skills and have stronger ability in learning new things, it is conducive for companies to change mentoring system into two-way letting the younger to mentor seniors.

    August 24, 2020 at 11:49 pm

    Score: 41.8

    Issues:

    1. About 80% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    2. About 30% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.
    3. Wordy – remove unnecessary words
    4. Article errors
    5. Verb form errors

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    Jessie M
    University: high school
    Nationality: China
    August 29, 2020 at 12:42 am

    High-tech companies introducing new technology and equipment, nowadays, those companies start changing their mentoring system: not only do senior workers mentor younger workers, but also younger workers mentor senior workers meanwhile. Whether this new system would be beneficial for the companies is concerned by both companies and workers. Considering different prospects, I fall in line with that requiring younger workers to mentor seniors would be conducive for the companies’ development.

    First of all, younger workers -just step out of universities- own updated skills and knowledge that senior workers don’t have, contributing to the development of the whole company. To further explain, things younger workers learned in the universities are corrected and replenished, which are more accurate and comprehensive than what senior workers have learned. A good case in point is the increasing majors and lessons for a specific field, making younger workers be more likely to be specialized than senior workers. In this way, younger generation are capable of teaching senior workers what senior workers didn’t contact before. Consequently, senior workers being mentored by younger workers would learn the latest knowledge and skills that contributed to the development of the company.

    In the second place, younger workers learn new things more quickly than senior workers due to better learning ability and higher acceptance. A recent study states that with people aging, they hardly remember and recognize things due to depletion in the brain. Subsequently, when companies introduce new technology and equipment, younger workers handle new stuffs at a fast pace, so they could help and instruct senior workers, making everyone catch the pace of the times. In contrast, letting senior workers learn the new technology firstly and then mentor younger workers would take a longer time and be less efficient. Hence, it is beneficial for companies requiring younger workers to mentor senior workers, when new things arrive.

    In conclusion, it is conducive for companies to change mentoring system into two-way letting the younger mentor the senior. Younger workers master updated knowledge and skills and have a stronger ability of learning new things.

    August 29, 2020 at 1:51 am

    Score: 45.3

    Issues:

    1. About 60% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    2. About 20% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.
    3. Lots of punctuation errors.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    Jessie M
    University: high school
    Nationality: China
    August 29, 2020 at 3:25 am

    Nowadays, companies change their mentoring system as they introduce new technology and equipment. Not only do senior workers mentor younger workers, but also younger workers mentor senior workers meanwhile. Whether this new system would be beneficial for the companies is a heated debate concerned by both companies and workers. Considering different prospects, I fall in line with the idea that requiring younger workers to mentor seniors would be conducive to the companies’ development.

     

    First of all, younger workers, after graduated, have updated skills and knowledge that senior workers don’t have. To further explain, things younger workers learned in the universities are more accurate and comprehensive than what senior workers have learned. A good case in point is the increasing number of majors and lessons for a specific field, making younger workers more easily specialized than senior workers. In this way, the younger generation are capable of teaching senior workers what senior workers didn’t contact before. Consequently, by receiving instruction from junior workers, veterans would learn the latest knowledge and skills that contributed to the development of the company.

     

    In the second place, younger workers learn new things more quickly than senior workers due to better learning ability and higher acceptance. A recent study states that with people aging, they hardly remember and recognize things due to depletion in the brain. Subsequently, when companies introduce new technology and equipment, younger workers handle new stuff at a fast pace. Then, they could help and instruct senior workers, making everyone catch the pace of the times. In contrast, if senior workers learn about the new technology first and then mentor younger workers, the whole process takes a longer time and is less efficient. Hence, it is beneficial for companies requiring younger workers to mentor senior workers when new things appear.

     

    In conclusion, it is conducive to companies to change the mentoring system into two-way letting the younger mentor the senior. Younger workers master up-to-date knowledge and skills and have a stronger ability to learn new things.

    August 29, 2020 at 10:45 pm

    Nowadays, companies change their mentoring system as they introduce new technology and equipment[ absolute statement  ]. [ lack logical connection from the last sentence  ]Not only do senior workers mentor younger workers, but also [ misplaced  ]younger workers mentor[repetition   ] senior workers meanwhile. Whether this new system would be beneficial for the [article error – general description   ]companies is a heated debate [ factual error  ](concerned by )[ unclear  ]both companies and workers. Considering different prospects, I (fall in line with the idea)[ wordy  ] that requiring younger workers to mentor seniors (would be conducive to)[dull BE verb   ] the [ article error  ]companies’ development.

    First of all, younger workers, after graduated, have updated skills and knowledge that senior workers don’t have. To further explain, things younger workers learned in the universities are more accurate and comprehensive than what senior workers have learned. A good case in point is the increasing number of majors and lessons for a specific field, making younger workers more easily specialized than senior workers. In this way, the younger generation are capable of teaching senior workers what senior workers didn’t contact before. Consequently, by receiving instruction from junior workers, veterans would learn the latest knowledge and skills that contributed to the development of the company.

    In the second place, younger workers learn new things more quickly than senior workers due to better learning ability and higher acceptance. A recent study states that with people aging, they hardly remember and recognize things due to depletion in the brain. Subsequently, when companies introduce new technology and equipment, younger workers handle new stuff at a fast pace. Then, they could help and instruct senior workers, making everyone catch the pace of the times. In contrast, if senior workers learn about the new technology first and then mentor younger workers, the whole process takes a longer time and is less efficient. Hence, it is beneficial for companies requiring younger workers to mentor senior workers when new things appear.

    In conclusion, it is conducive to companies to change the mentoring system into two-way letting the younger mentor the senior. Younger workers master up-to-date knowledge and skills and have a stronger ability to learn new things.

    August 29, 2020 at 10:50 pm

    I couldn’t complete the revision of your essay since it contains many problems.