In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry.

Score: 53.5

Nowadays, technology improves fast (enough to change) [  awkward writing ] our life. Especially[ wrong word  ] in agriculture, skills[wrong word   ] like auto-irrigation increase the efficiency of producing[wrong word   ] dramatically. However, lots of people still suffer from starvation for many reasons. Although this situation is undoubtedly bad for individuals, societies can take steps to mitigate these problems[ unclear/you only mentioned starvation, which is one problem.  ] .

There are many reasons to explain why some people are starving. First of all, the gap between countries’ (technology skills)[unclear   ] is large. Brazil has more starving people compare[grammatical error   ] with America because they[ unclear pronoun  ] don’t have advanced technology[word form error   ] equipment.

What’s more, many countries distribute income unevenly. For example, 5% of (American people) [ wordy  ] are notably rich, but 23%[ need to specify  ] cannot achieve the average living standard. Also, the population keeps growing in the world. India’s fast-growing population puts more stress on their undeveloped agriculture. In other words, the living conditions of (India’s people)[wordy   ] have become worse after an already bad situation[ unclear  ] .

Societies can use many ways to tackle these problems. Countries can sign a contract like the Paris agreement[word form error/Agreement   ] with each other to achieve their aims together. However, it is hard to reach [  unclear ] as many developed countries are reluctant to help developing countries. Moreover, countries can subsidy[ word form error  ] companies and set the maximum price for essential goods. This policy will make foods affordable to poor people. Nations can also limit the birth rate as/since a lower population growth rate means less pressure on poor lands.

Individuals have to admit [missing a pronoun   ] many people are still in hunger these days. However, societies can make efforts to find and mitigate the fundamental problems. People can always solve difficulties when they face them together.

Score: 50.9

Nowadays, technology has brought about numerous changes in human life. Particularly [unnecessary adverb  ] in agriculture, techniques like auto-irrigation increase working productivity dramatically. However, lots of people still suffer from starvation for many reasons. Although this situation is undoubtedly bad for individuals, societies can take steps to mitigate this problem.

There are many reasons to explain why some people are starving. First of all, the gap between countries’ farming techniques is large. Brazil has more starving people compared with America because Brazilians don’t have advanced technological equipment. What’s more, many countries distribute income unevenly. For example, 5% of Americans are notably rich, but 23% of Americans cannot achieve the average living standard. Also, the population keeps growing in the world. India’s fast-growing population puts more stress on their undeveloped agriculture. In other words, the living conditions of Indians have (become worse)/deteriarated after many people live fell in starvation.

Societies/Policymakers can use many ways to tackle these problems. Countries Governments can sign a contract like the Paris Agreement with each other to achieve their aims together. However, a globalize agreement is hard to reach as/since many developed countries are reluctant to help developing countries. Moreover, countries governments can also subsidize companies and set the maximum restrict prices for essential goods. This policy will make foods affordable to poor people. Nations can also (limit the birth rate) [controversial policy  ] since a lower population growth rate means less pressure on poor lands.

We have to admit that many people are still in hunger these days. However, individuals can make efforts to find and solve the fundamental problems. People can always solve difficulties when they face them together.