Do you agree or disagree? It is important to know about events happening around the world, even if it is unlikely that they will affect your daily life.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. TOEFL Writing Do you agree or disagree? It is important to know about events happening around the world, even if it is unlikely that they will affect your daily life.

  • HenryC
    University: NIS
    Nationality: Japan
    August 5, 2020 at 3:58 am

    Do you agree or disagree? It is important to know about events happening around the world, even if it is unlikely that they will affect your daily life.

    I mostly agree with the statement, I think it would be quite important to have access to news from beyond the local area.
    While it is not required to have information from the global scale for one to survive, unless someone prefer to live in complete isolation, here are several benefits and advantages of doing so.
    First of all, acknowledging news or information about events from the outside world is beneficial for one’s international mindedness. Not only it renders a person more knowledgeable to others, it shows how an individual pay attention and care for the world as a whole. It also gives the opportunity to take a look outside of their daily life, at events one has never experienced or places one has never been to. It can even improves a person’s ability to understand other perspectives, or other sides of the story.
    Second, it is beneficial for one’s mental health. Humans are social beings, and being isolated in a constant environment with the same people and events everyday can turn out harmful for one’s mentality. Hearing about events outside of the local area can remind a person that there are always new things happening around the world. Having a supply of fresh knowledge from around the world can keep a person motivated and interested in their life, and even inspire their own behaviors.
    Last but not least, knowing about events happening around is world is beneficial for decision making in our lives. Whether it is political, environmental or economic. Knowing things from other regions of the world helps each part of the world function better, both locally and as a component of the world. Use an example, when countries have econimic problems within themselves or with other countries, such as the Great Depression in the U.S. or the trade war between China and U.S. that was happening recently. All of these information help individuals, organizations make better financial choices. These are both instances where events happening around the world can very much impact someone from somewhere else.

    August 6, 2020 at 4:06 am

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. Make your argument clear in your introduction – why do you agree?
    2. Verb form errors
    3. Article errors
    4. About 60% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    5. About 10% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.
    6. Lengthy paragraphs. Restrict each paragraph to 90 words.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    August 6, 2020 at 4:06 am

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