It is more enjoyable to have a job where you work only three days a week for long hours than to have a job where you work five days a week for shorter hours

Score: ungraded

Issues:

1. About 50% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
2. About 20% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.
3. Lengthy paragraphs. Restrict each paragraph to 90 words.

I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

Nowadays, more people are focused on leisure and entertainment since the [ article error ]remarkable improvement[ vague-specify ] has taken place in individuals[ word form error ] living standards. Therefore, (burdened considerable stress)[ logical confusion ], some employees argue that they need more time to relax, (even compromise)[unclear  ] to add a day’s work. However, from my perspective, (I frown on the statement that)[redundant  ] it[ unclear pronoun ] is more delectable to work three days a week for long hours.

First, it is striking a balance between work and time off that counts. Reasonable distribution on time may make a positive impact on individuals. For example, I prefer to allocate time in moderation. On traditional weekdays, l spend relevant more time on acquiring knowledge. Once I feel tired, I will amble around my dorm to refresh myself. While at weekends, I’d like to pay attention on entertainment so that I will be more energetic in the next week. Thus I get in a virtuous cycle in which I can easily alter myself between work and relaxation.

But this cycle will turn into a bad one if the traditional weekdays are shortened. On the one hand, if employees accomplish vast work within a short time, they may be too exhausted to concentrate on what they do. Moreover, they may be addicted to enjoying themselves at weekends, then find it difficult to accustom to the next week.

It is undeniable that appropriate relaxation can lift one’s spirits. The fewer holidays people take, the less likely they are to work hard. Nevertheless, as I stated above, we better keep a balance between work and relaxation. We should try a peaceful way so that we can enjoy our lives.

Nowadays, more people are focused on leisure and entertainment since [due to  ]remarkable improvement has taken place in people’s living standards. Therefore, some employees argue that they need four days off a week. Besides，[ spacing error ]they’re willing to add a day’s work[ unclear ]. However, from my perspective, I disagree that working three days a week for long hours will be more delectable[ wrong word ].

First, it is striking a balance between work and time off that counts. Reasonable distribution on time may make a positive impact on individuals. For example, I prefer to allocate time in moderation. On weekdays, l spend more time acquiring knowledge. Once I feel tired, I will walk around my dorm to refresh myself. While at weekends, I’d like to pay attention to entertainment to be more energetic in the next week. Thus I get in a virtuous cycle in which I can easily alter myself between work and relaxation.

But this cycle will turn into a bad one if only three business days a week. If employees accomplish abundant work within a short time, they may be too exhausted to concentrate on what they do. Moreover, employees may be addicted to enjoying themselves at the four-days weekends, then they’ll find it difficult to accustom to the next week.

It is undeniable that appropriate relaxation can lift one’s spirits. The fewer holidays people take, the less likely they are to work hard. Nevertheless, as I stated above, we better keep a balance between work and relaxation. We should try a peaceful way so that we can enjoy our lives better.

Nowadays, more people are focused on leisure and entertainment due to the remarkable improvement in people’s living standards. Therefore, some employees argue that they need four days off a week. Besides, they They will even accept working more hours work a day. I disagree that working three days a week for long hours would be more preferable will be more delightful.

First, it is striking we have to strike a balance between work and time off that counts. A better balance could improve the lives of workers Reasonable distribution on time may make a positive impact on individuals. For example, I prefer to allocate time in moderation. On weekdays, l spend more time acquiring knowledge. Once I feel tired, I will walk around my dorm to refresh myself. While on the weekend at weekends, I’d like to pay attention to entertainment, so I can to be more energetic in the next week. Thus I get in a virtuous cycle in which I can easily balance alter myself between work and relaxation.

But this cycle is imbalanced will turn into a bad one if we only worked three business days a week. If employees are tasked with doing more work in accomplish abundant work within a short time, they may be too exhausted to concentrate on what they need to do. Moreover, employees may indulge in enjoying themselves at the four-days weekends, and then they’ll will find it difficult get accustomed to accustom to the next week.

It is undeniable that appropriate relaxation can lift one’s spirits. The fewer holidays people take, the less likely they are to work hard. Nevertheless, as I stated above, we better keep a balance between work and relaxation. We should try find a peaceful balance way so that we can enjoy our lives better.