For the successful development of a country, it is more important for a government to spend money on the education of very young children (five to ten years old) than to spend money on universities.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. TOEFL Writing For the successful development of a country, it is more important for a government to spend money on the education of very young children (five to ten years old) than to spend money on universities.

  • Alice123
    University: Shenzhen University
    Nationality: China
    March 17, 2021 at 6:04 am

    For the successful development of a country, it is more important for a government to spend money on the education of very young children (five to ten years old) than to spend money on universities.

    First and foremost, education on very young children has high efficiency. Children who were well-educated in an early age often have a good personality, and would probably behave better than their peers when they enter universities. As an ancient Chinese saying goes, ‘ we can predict the personality of a child at seven’. To be specific, children form their personality at their early age, approximately from three to ten. If provided with a high-quality education, for instant more experienced tutors and more regular teaching lessons, the children may present a better manner as well as behavior.

    Furthermore, the fact that educating young children could help them improve competitiveness indicates that government should give priority to education investment on young children. Take the case of Japan. Japan used to be a less developed country hundreds of years ago. However, in the Meiji Reform, the government was aware of the significance of education due to the thorough study of the western country. So it spent nearly half of the finance on the education construction, especially on the primary education. As a result, after the popularization of compulsory education, an increasing number of talents were raised at an early age. They became the main character in Japan’s development.

    Nevertheless, a voice arises that education of universities may cultivate professional talents in every field, which could provide our society with long-term welfare. Ironically, these could happen only when the talent has solid fundamental knowledge. If a person lacks fundamental knowledge such as math and science, the higher level of knowledge he received in the universities may have no more benefit for him. Therefore, the government should divert more money to support the education of young children, so as to cultivate more talents with solid fundamental skills.

    March 17, 2021 at 4:02 pm

    Score: 46.8

    Issues:

    1. About 45% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Simplify or split them. (TOEFL/IELTS: 15%- qualifies for non-software revision; 30% applies to GRE writing)
    2. About 15% of the sentences are passive; convert them into their active counterparts. (10%- qualifies for non-software TOEFL/IELTS/GRE writing revision ).

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.