It is more important for governments to spend money to improve Internet access than to improve public transportation.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. TOEFL Writing It is more important for governments to spend money to improve Internet access than to improve public transportation.

  • Ivy May
    University: CUHKSZ
    Nationality: China
    May 21, 2021 at 8:28 am

    It is more important for governments to spend money to improve Internet access than to improve public transportation.

    I think it is more important for governments to invest on improving public transportation instead of improving Internet access.

    First, governments should create a healthy atmosphere among the society. Good public transportation means it is more convenient for people to travel around the country, which will encourage people to relax themselves in a proper way. For example, the development of highway system in China has offered more transportation choices for people and enabled better travel experiences. However, if the goverments invest more on improving Internet access, many young people may get the message that the Internet is good and beneficial, so they will spend too much time on the Internet which is not good for both their mental and physical development.

    Second, improving public transportation will save people’s time and increase the efficiency of the whole society. Nowadays, because of traffic jam, people usually spend too much extra time on commuting. Time wasted on the traffic jam could have been used to do something influential, such as reading, learning, or innovating. Also, people’s mood may be affected by the time waste, which may have bad influence on their work and family life. So improving public transportation benefits the whole society. Instead, improving Internet access is not a great idea. In today’s world, many people have been addicted to their phones or laptops, they spend way to much time on meaningless information on the Internet without even realizing they are wasting time. So better Internet access might lead to more people becoming addicted to surfing the Internet. This will not be a good sign for the healthy development of a society.

    In conclusion, investing on improving public transportation creates a healthy atmosphere for the society and increase the efficiency of the society. People will benefit more from better public transportation.

    May 24, 2021 at 11:20 am

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. About 40% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Simplify or split them. (TOEFL/IELTS: 15%- qualifies for non-software revision; 30% applies to GRE writing)

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.