Many countries spend a lot of money in the arts. Some people think investment in the arts is necessary, but others say money is better spent on public service and facilities. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. IELTS Writing Many countries spend a lot of money in the arts. Some people think investment in the arts is necessary, but others say money is better spent on public service and facilities. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

  • JerrySong
    University: Sichuan University
    Nationality: China
    August 7, 2020 at 3:44 pm

    Many countries spend a lot of money in the arts. Some people think investment in the arts is necessary, but others say money is better spent on public service and facilities. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

    Some governments financially support the art development. But some people argue that they should invest in public service and facilities. In my opinion, I think governments should spend more money mainly in upgrading the public services and facilities.

    Some people think governments ought to invest in the arts, because this can make their city more attractive. It is an enjoyable thing that the city is decorated with sculptures or colorful paintings. In this way, more visitors will come to have a trip there. Thereby, it can promote the economic development. By contrast, if a city don’t have any art exhibitions all year around, urban dwellers wouldn’t arise their horizons and fell depressed with their daily life.

    Although art can help residents with their creativity and artistic taste, more money should be used in building a wholesome neighborhood. For example, it’s important to establish an efficient public transport system. If there isn’t a well-built traffic system, there will be more traffic accidents and traffic congestions, thus numerous businesses will be affected. Another example is a government supportive public school and other educational resources such as libraries will benefit people a lot. Those can help more children to learn knowledge and improve young people’s job prospects. Public services such as medical facilities can help people reduce the opportunities of getting ill and improve their health. People can gain a lot of advantages directly if governments invest more money in public facilities. As for arts, the benefit is small and don’t contribute much to our life.

    In conclusion, I am convinced that governments in countries all around the world should focus on public services and facilities, because this can make their country more prosperous, even though artistic works can decorate our life to some extent.

    August 10, 2020 at 2:07 pm

     

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. Lots of pronouns (i.e. they) are unclear (there might be 2 nouns in the prior part); replace unclear pronouns with nouns;
    2. Lots of repetitions in words/phrases (i.e. some);
    3. Redundant;
    4. About 15% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.