Many people are afraid to leave home because of crimes. Some believe that more action should be taken to prevent crimes, but others feel little can be done. Discuss both views and give your opinions.
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June 2, 2020 at 1:51 pm
Many people are afraid to leave home because of crimes. Some believe that more action should be taken to prevent crimes, but others feel little can be done. Discuss both views and give your opinions.
The increasing numbers of crimes all over the world has become one of the most worrying matter when someone intends to leave for another place away from family. Although we can do little to prevent the criminals from committing crimes again, some can be done to ensure the security of our society in a long term view.
Some people think the crimes cannot be prevented or even released because the punishment today have little effect on educating. Once the criminals are catch, they will be ask to pay a fine or serve a prison term. This means that they can get back to the community one day without clearly realizing their mistakes. Even worse, a sense of revenge will raise in their hearts. For example, a thief who has been punished 100 yuan for stealing a bicycle, he may steal 100 yuan next time to get a reward. The punishments implemented now are far from curbing crimes.
Though punishments are not that effective, other people believe that there are several actions can be done. The people who turn to commit crimes are always those who are not able to live by themselves. So the government can pay more attention to the problems of people’s lives. For instance, offering more education opportunities to the poor children will help them learn basic social virtue and increase practical skills to find a good job in the future. With a fulfilling and happy live, no one would like to take risk to commit crimes.
Overall, we can do something like increasing educational rates to solve the problem of crimes. This is a better way to make our communities a safer place to live in.
June 2, 2020 at 3:41 pmScore: ungraded
Issues:
- About 30% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
- About 20% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.
June 3, 2020 at 12:30 pmThe increasing number of crimes has become one of the most worrying matters when someone leaves for another place away from family. Although we can do little to prevent criminals from committing crimes again, some can be done to ensure the security of our society in the long term view.
Some people think we cannot prevent or even release the crimes because the punishment today has little effect on educating. Once the criminals are caught, they have to pay a fine or serve a prison term. This means that they can get back to the community one day without realizing their mistakes. Even worse, a sense of revenge will raise in their hearts. For example, a thief who has been punished 100 yuan for stealing a bicycle, he may steal 100 yuan next time to get a reward. The punishments implemented now are far from curbing crimes.
Though punishments are not that effective, other people believe that there are actions that work. The people who turn to commit crimes are always those who are not able to live by themselves. So the government can pay more attention to the problems of people’s lives. For instance, offering more educational opportunities to poor children will help them learn basic social virtue. Meanwhile, grasping practical skills, they will also find a good job in the future. With a fulfilling and happy life, no one would like to take the risk to commit crimes.
In a word, we can do something like increasing educational rates to solve the problem of crimes. This is a better way to make our community a safer place to live.
June 4, 2020 at 9:06 pmScore: ungraded
Final revision
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releasereducethecrimes because the punishment today has little effect on (educating) [ unclear]. Oncethecriminals are caught, theyhaveonly need to pay a fine or serve a prison term. This means that they can get back to the community one day without realizing their mistakes. Even worse, a sense of revengewill[absolute statement ] could raise in their hearts. For example, a thief who has been punished by paying 100 yuan for stealing a bicycle, hemay steal 100 yuannext time to get a rewardto pay the ticket. That is to say that theThepunishments implemented now are far from curbing crimes.Though punishments are not
thatsufficiently effective, (other people believe that there are actions that work) [logically confused ]. In fact, many of theThepeople who turn to commit crimesoffenders arealwaysthose whoare not able to live by themselvessuffer economically. In light of this fact,So theI am of the opinion that governmentcanshould paymoreclose attention/heed to theproblemshardships ofpeople’s livesof impoverished people.For instance,An effective measure, in my view, is offering more/equal educational opportunities to the poor children, thereby allowingwill helpthem to acquirelearnbasic socialvirtue. Meanwhile, grasping practicaland occupational skills,they will also find a good job in the future. With a fulfilling and happy life, no one would like to take the risk to commit crimesrequisite for securing a job.In a word, we can do something (like increasing educational rates) [irrelevant to the content noted above ] to solve the problem of crimes. This is a better way to make our community a safer place to live.
