Many students are taught to push themselves to try and be better than other students, rather than work together for everyone’s benefits. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. IELTS Writing Topics Many students are taught to push themselves to try and be better than other students, rather than work together for everyone’s benefits. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

  • winko
    University: Central University of Finance and Economics
    Nationality: Chinese
    March 24, 2020 at 4:24 am

    Many students are taught to push themselves to try and be better than other students, rather than work together for everyone’s benefits. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

    Hardly could anyone claim that the cultivation of students’ competitiveness consciousness has never been heard of. Some may hold the view that win-win cooperation benefits students’ development. As for me, however, teaching students to improve abilities and compete with others is more useful before they enter the workforce.

    As for the disadvantageous aspects, the primary one is the limited opportunities to enhance students’ interpersonal skills. Students would use more time to promote their academic performance alone instead of communicating with their classmates. This may make them be unsociable and inarticulate, which has an adverse impact on the integration into the group.

    Optimistic judgment over the correlative issues that leading students to try and perform better than others stimulates them to have an all-round development and to atone for their shortcomings. Students are forced to expand their comfort zone. They would make an attempt on what they are afraid of or what they are not good at before. And at last students stretch their capabilities. By contrary, we can see some individuals always play the same role in different groups and never have any improvement in other aspects. So I argue that it is necessary for students to raise the awareness of competition.

    Additionally, only superior to others can make a student stand out. In a highly competitive society, there are always few positions for a top university or a good job. Excellent students are admitted and will enjoy a better quality of life in the future. Moreover, disagreements or quarrels are inevitable in a group, and someone has to make some concessions and can not act at will when accomplishing an assignment.

    All in all, I confirm that the instruction to raise students’ competitiveness consciousness will bring far more gains, despite a slice of unfavorable facets.

    March 26, 2020 at 11:15 pm

    Score: 52.8

    Issues:

    1. About 30% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    2. About 20% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.