Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time and have health problems as a result. Why do many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem?
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June 18, 2019 at 12:28 pm
IELTS Writing Topic: : Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time and have health problems as a result. Why do many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem?
More and more people are working too hard and too busy nowadays. In fact, it is unhealth for people to spend all time on work. What factors lead to this phenomenon and what we can do to solve it have become a concern to man people. As far as I am concerned, the following reasons should be taken into consideration.
The first reason that can be seen is that people want to earn money. The believe that time is money. They try to catch any time and opportunity even on their pastime. For example, a business man spends all time on work without weekend. He connects his clients to find some potential chances. Another reason that we must consider is that people have lots tasks to deal with. According to a recent survey, 80% working people have to work from 8am to 10pm in China. The third and very important reason is that people need to make a living. People don not have alternative but to support the family. They need to pay any bills such as house, water, electric and children’s tuition fee.
In order to make the world better and life easier for ourselves, we should do something to change this phenomenon. First and foremost, government should encourage people to do exercise. Some sports equipment should be installed near the residential area. Secondly, companies should arrange some activities regularly for employees. People not only exercise themselves, but also enhance friendship with colleagues. Thirdly, working people should spend more time with their family. They can play games with their kids and od jogging with their parents.
To sum up, from what had been mentioned above, we can come to the conclusion that people can improve the health problems after some effective measures from government and company arrangements.
June 18, 2019 at 3:11 pmScore: 75.1
Suggestions for Improvement
- Lots of grammar, spacing and punctuation errors.
Problems Highlight
More and more people are working too hard and too busy nowadays. In fact, it is unhealth[Grammatical error] for people to spend all [article error]time on work. What factors lead to this phenomenon and what we can do to solve it have become a concern to man people. As far as I am concerned[Redundancy], the following reasons should be taken[passive] into consideration.
The first reason that can be seen [passive] is that people want to earn money. The[Grammatical error] believe that time is money. They try to catch any time and opportunity even on their pastime. For example, a business man[spelling eeor] spends all [article error]time on work without weekend. He connects his clients to find some potential chances. Another reason that we must consider is that people have lots [preposition error]tasks to deal with[Ending sentence with preposition]. According to a recent survey, 80%[preposition error] working people have to work from 8am [spacing error]to 10pm [spacing error]in China. The third and very important[overused word] reason is that people need to make a living. People don [spelling error ]not have [article error]alternative but to support the family. They need to pay any bills such as house, water, electric and children’s tuition fee.
In order to make the world better and life easier for ourselves, we should do something to change this phenomenon. First and foremost, government should encourage people to do exercise. Some sports equipment should be installed[passive] near the residential area. Secondly, companies should arrange some activities regularly for employees. People not only exercise themselves,[punctuation error] but also enhance friendship with colleagues. Thirdly, working people should spend more time with their family. They can play games with their kids and od jogging with their parents.
To sum up, from what had been mentioned[passive] above, we can come to the conclusion that people can improve[wrong word] the health problems after some effective measures from government and company arrangements.[Verbose]
Comment: There are more errors than those highlighted ones. Revise and resubmit your essay.
June 19, 2019 at 3:35 amMore and more people are working too hard and too busy nowadays. In fact, it is unhealthy for people to spend all the time on work. What factors lead to this phenomenon and what we can do to solve it have become a concern to many people. I think that we should consider the following reasons.
The first reason is that people want to earn money. They believe that time is money. They try to catch any time and opportunity even on their pastime. For example, a businessman spends all the time on work without weekend. He contacts his clients to find some potential chances. Another reason that we must consider is that people have lots of tasks to deal. According to a recent survey, 80% of working people have to work from 8 am to 10 pm in China. The third and very important reason is that people need to make a living. People do not have an alternative but to support the family. They need to pay any bills such as house, water, electric and children’s tuition fee.
In order to make the world better and life easier for ourselves, we should do something to change this phenomenon. First and foremost, government should encourage people to do exercise. Some sports equipment should be installed near the residential area. Secondly, companies should arrange some activities regularly for employees. People not only exercise themselves but also enhance friendship with colleagues. Thirdly, working people should spend more time with their family. They can play games with their kids and do jogging with their parents.
To sum up, from what had been mentioned above, we can come to the conclusion that people can solve the health problems after some effective measures from government and company arrangements.
June 19, 2019 at 9:23 pmScore: 75
Suggestions for Improvement
Many choppy sentences.
Problems Highlight
More and more [Redundant] people are working too[problematic adverb] hard and too[problematic adverb] busy nowadays. In fact, it is unhealthy for people to spend all the [artice error]time on work. What factors lead [Grammatical Error]to this phenomenon and what we can do to solve it have become a concern to many people. I think that we should[Redundant] consider the following reasons. [Logically incomplete sentence]
The first reason is that people want to earn money. They believe that time is money. They[Choppy sentences with same word to start a sentence] try to catch any time and opportunity even on[wrong preposition] their pastime. For example, a businessman spends all the[artice error] time on work without weekend[redundant]. He contacts his clients to find some potential chances. [Logically incomplete sentence]Another reason that we must consider[redundant] is that people have lots of[informal writing] tasks to deal[gramatical error]. According to a recent survey, 80% of working people have to work from 8 am to 10 pm in China. The third and very important[overused] reason is that people need to make a living. People do not have an alternative but to support the family. They[Choppy sentence] need to pay any bills such as house, water, electric and children’s tuition fee.
In order to make the world better and life easier for ourselves, we should do something to change this phenomenon. First and foremost, government should encourage people to do exercise. Some sports equipment should be installed [Passive] near the residential area. Secondly, companies should arrange some activities regularly[problematic adverb] for employees. People [Choppy sentence]not only exercise themselves but also enhance friendship with colleagues. Thirdly, working people should spend more time with their family. They [Choppy sentence]can play games with their kids and do jogging with their parents.
To sum up, from what had[gramatical error] been mentioned [Passive] above, we can come to the conclusion [redundant]that people can solve the health problems[word form error] after some effective measures from government and company arrangements[logical incompleteness]. [Verbose]
Comment: There are more errors than those highlighted. Revise and resubmit your essay.
