Mobile phones and the internet play an important part in the way in which people relate to one another socially. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. IELTS Writing Mobile phones and the internet play an important part in the way in which people relate to one another socially. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

  • HC
    University: Nanjing Tech University
    Nationality: 中国
    February 28, 2020 at 1:35 am

    Mobile phones and the internet play an important part in the way in which people relate to one another socially. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

    Living in an information society, some modern communication tools such as mobile phones and the internet are quite inevitable to maintain people’s social relationship. Even though some people argue that our social connections can be impaired by advanced technology, I suppose the benefits of depending on modern communication relating to others overweighs the drawbacks.

    One apparent advantage is that the way people relate to others socially by modern tools increases their working efficiency. Since these tools enable people to overcome geographical barriers and time differences. One manager could get in touch with his subordinate when and wherever they are in case of an emergency. Then the whole staff can make full use of each minute because no time is wasted for dealing with the distance or time arrangement. In this case, modern tools in communication significantly bring up our work efficiency.

    However, as it is convenient for us to ask for others’ aid or reply, modern communication tools lead some crisis to people’s relationship with their partners. As an employee can get in touch with colleagues conveniently, he might also disturb his peers easily, especially when his colleagues are enjoying their leisure time and are reluctant to talk about work. In this case, the colleagues may feel unsatisfactory with the interruption which indeed put people’s relationship into an embarrassing situation.

    In conclusion, the benefits modern tools bring to our relationship worth us undertaking the disadvantages. The reason is, nowadays, the priority is to make sure the complex machine: society will not break down. Advanced communication methods enable us to share our minds conveniently, which is vital to maintain a complex but balanced relationship while the process is always accompanied by cooperation and conflict.

    February 29, 2020 at 3:09 am

    Score: 44.1

    Issues:

    1. About 50% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    2. More than 20% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.