The money spent by governments on space programmes would be better spent on vital public services such as schools and hospitals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

TOEFL, IELTS, Application Essay Proofreading Services. IELTS Writing Topics The money spent by governments on space programmes would be better spent on vital public services such as schools and hospitals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

  • Cassie1990
    University: Ji Lin University
    Nationality: Chinese
    July 11, 2019 at 4:59 am

     

    Government should spend money on public services like schools and hospitals rather than space programs.

    Essay Topic: The money spent by governments on space programmes would be better spent on vital public services such as schools and hospitals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

    The question of whether we are alone in the universe has haunted humanity for decades. Therefore, government has invested a large amount of money into space research. Nowadays, many think that since the government’s budgets are limited, it is necessary for the officials to put more efforts into improving citizens’ living conditions. From my perspective, the space research and promoting individuals’ living standard are both essential for the following reasons.

    Although space research demands plenty of investment, it brings numerous benefits to mankind as a whole. Initially, space exploration is human’s basic curiosity—the curiosity of natural world drives the improvement of all pure science. We want to know whether life forms would evolve if given certain conditions. We are also eager to find out whether there is something special on the earth to have fostered various organisms. In addition, the space discovery also plays a vital role in helping humanity to find another suitable planet to survive. Even though Our civilization has been on the earth for a few thousand years, the problems of nuclear weapon, environmental pollution and depletion of resources have become increasingly severe for last decades. Therefore, the existence of other extra-terrestrial intelligence will prove long-term survival is possible and give human some cause of pessimism.

    However, I think the government should also attach great importance to citizens’ standard of living. Nowadays, due to the emission of greenhouse gases from transportation and factories, the air pollution has become a harsh global issue which is urgent to addressed. Because of the climate change, leading to the higher sea level, more residents living in coastal areas will become homeless. Therefore, the government should not shun the responsibility of raising public’s awareness of environmental protection. A series of feasible measures should be timely taken into account,such as encouraging individuals’ to take public transportation on a regular basis, and requiring companies to dispose fumes instead of discharging them immediately into the atmosphere What’s more, there are some other issues such as starvation and diseases that the government should also fully concentrate on and solve those problems effectively

    Therefore, the discovery of space and dealing with problems of individuals’ living conditions are both paramount for the government.

     
    Lin Qiu
    July 14, 2019 at 12:46 am

    Score: 39.7

    Suggestions for Improvement

    • Shorten the essay to 320 words;
    • Restrict each paragraph to 85 words;
    • Shorten/split sentences exceeding 20 words.

    Problems Highlight

    The question of whether we are alone in the universe has haunted humanity for decades. Therefore, government [article error]has invested a large amount of money into space research. Nowadays, many think that since the government’s budgets are limited, it is necessary for the officials to put more efforts into improving citizens’ living conditions.[Verbose] From my perspective, the space research and promoting individuals’ living standard are both essential for the following reasons.[Verbose]

    Although space research demands plenty of investment, it brings numerous benefits to mankind as a whole. Initially, space exploration is human’s basic curiosity—the curiosity of [article error]natural world drives the improvement of all pure science. [Verbose]We want to know whether life forms would evolve if given certain conditions. We are also eager to find out whether there is something special on the earth to have fostered various organisms. In addition, the [article error] space discovery also plays a vital role in helping humanity to find another suitable planet to survive. Even though Our civilization has been on the earth for a few thousand years, the problems of nuclear weapon, environmental pollution and depletion of resources have become increasingly severe for [article error] last decades. [Verbose]Therefore, the existence of other extra-terrestrial intelligence will prove long-term survival is possible and give human some cause of pessimism. [Verbose]

    However, I think the government should also attach great importance to citizens’ standard of living. Nowadays, due to the emission of greenhouse gases from transportation and factories, the [article error] air pollution has become a harsh global issue which is urgent to addressed. [Verbose]Because of the [article error] climate change, leading to the higher sea level, more residents living in coastal areas will become homeless. Therefore, the government should not shun the responsibility of raising public’s [wrong expression]awareness of environmental protection. [Verbose]A series of feasible measures should be timely taken into account, such as encouraging individuals’ to take public transportation on a regular basis, and requiring companies to dispose fumes instead of discharging them immediately into the atmosphere [Verbose]What’s more, there are some other issues such as starvation and diseases that the government should also fully concentrate on and solve those problems effectively[Verbose]

    Therefore, the discovery of space and dealing with problems of individuals’ living conditions are both paramount for the government. [Verbose]

    Comment: There are more errors than those highlighted ones. Please revise and resubmit your essay for further assessment and revision.  Regards.

    [Please use the Star Rating below to rate my revision. Thanks]