Movies and television have more negative effects than positive effects on the way young people behave. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. TOEFL Writing Movies and television have more negative effects than positive effects on the way young people behave. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

  • JWarlock
    University: University of Chinese Academy of Science
    Nationality: China
    July 19, 2020 at 4:33 pm

    Movies and television have more negative effects than positive effects on the way young people behave. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

    It is my opinion that despite some not-so-serious negative effects, movies and television definitely have much more positive effects on the way young people behave. In fact, movies and television are one of the greatest inventions of all time in my mind. When I was a little child, I used to watch different cartoon TV series with lots of my friends and schoolmate after school, like Tom and Jerry. When I grow up, I become interested in superhero movies. Watching heroes fighting for justice gives me the courage to deal with the mess in my life. I feel quite amazed when I see how movies and television deliver pictures that is thousands of mile away in front of us, how they bring people all over the world together, and how they create a whole new imaginary world that allow us to imagine and explore freely.

    First, movies and television can help to eliminate bias and discrimination. Before the invention of movies and television, it was very hard for people to understand how life was thousands of miles away. Movies and television give us a way to actually see what the people look like thousands of miles away, how they work, how they entertain, and so on. With movies and television, people all over the world are brought together in those little screens and pictures.

    Second, movies and television can widen our horizon. In the past, the longest distance a man could travel in his life might be only tens of miles. How narrow one’s horizon will become if one never gets to see the scenery hundreds of miles away! With movies and television, youngpeople can see live pictures from the other end of the world, without going outside. Also, they can see how the best basketball players play, how the best actors practice. And young people can learn a lot from them. That’s why many young people today are visionary people.

    In a nutshell, movies and television have much more positive effects on the way young people behave compared to their negative

    July 20, 2020 at 9:53 pm

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. The essay is poorly structured. Create a brief paragraph to present your thesis.
    2. Lengthy paragraphs. Restrict each paragraph to 90 words.
    3. About 35% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    4. About 10% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    July 21, 2020 at 3:08 pm

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