Nowadays a large amount of advertising is aimed at children. Some people think this can have negative effects on them and should be banned

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. IELTS Writing Nowadays a large amount of advertising is aimed at children. Some people think this can have negative effects on them and should be banned

  • coldog
    University: Nanjing University
    Nationality: China
    November 28, 2020 at 8:04 am

    Nowadays a large amount of advertising is aimed at children. Some people think this can have negative effects on them and should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

    These days a large amount of advertising is aimed at children. This should be strictly regulated. The products bad for children should be banned resolutely to advertise. For other products, their advertising should be limited, especially for the more expensive ones.

    The opinions above are mainly based on these fundamental facts. Firstly, children represent the future of humans so that they need to be protected. Secondly, children have not developed a sense of protecting themselves, which may lead to choosing harmful products. Thirdly, children have not formed the proper concept of consumption, thus, they may spend beyond their families’ means.

    As for how to confirm whether a product is harmful or expensive, we ought to establish some standards. Several practical suggestions are below. If a product is bad for the physical and mental health of children in public perception, we can regard it as a harmful one. If the price of a product is higher than most (70 percent) similar products, it is an expensive one.

    The measures will no doubt have adverse impact on some entertainments related. Nevertheless, the healthy development of children is more important than any other thing. Without a bright future of humans, everything is meaningless.

    The advertising aimed at children should be strictly regulated. Above is the necessity, feasibility, and importance of it.

     

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    December 5, 2020 at 4:36 pm

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. About 30% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.
    2. Sentence structure errors, some sentence can be combined to make longer ones
    3. Word choice errors
    4. Article errors

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.