People today spend too much time on personal enjoyment doing things they like to do rather than doing things they should do. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. TOEFL Writing People today spend too much time on personal enjoyment doing things they like to do rather than doing things they should do. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

  • ljm
    University: Xiamen Univerisity
    Nationality: China
    July 23, 2020 at 3:01 am

     People today spend too much time on personal enjoyment doing things they like to do rather than doing things they should do. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

    Recent years have seen a growing voice that people indulge themselves too much and don’t take up their responsibilities enough. From my point of view, that is not a valid argument. Personal enjoyment has never been in conflict with the fulfillment of responsibilities.

    One obligation that people should fulfill is to work hard and study hard, which is the basic way for people to contribute to the society. However, at any time in our history, daily enjoyment has always been a complement to the work life and study life.Take my friend Joe as an example. Joe used to be a diligent student in the university.He had always been trying to pursue his academic goals and avoid any personal indulgence. Seldom, if ever, would you see him hanging out with friends or participating in social activities. Admittedly, his academic achievement was brilliant. But as he always complained to me, he was not happy. I persuaded him to join some parties and try to make friends with others. It turns out, he enjoyed the feeling of social networking. With more friends around him, he rid himself of negative emotions. It was then that his academic achievement moved to the next stage.

    Another point I want to mention is that nowadays, people actually spend a larger proportion of their time on work or other responsibilities. Many statistics show that during the past century, the daily working hour of an adult actually increases. This may result from a growing sophistication of the business world. In order to fit the fast-advancing society, most individuals are pushed to work for longer hours so that they can become competent in the modern society. In this sense, instead of blaming people nowadays for excessive personal enjoyment, we should be pathetic about them. They sacrifice their time more than any previous generations.

    Generally speaking, excessive working loans rather than too much personal enjoyment is to blame. In my opinion, there should be an encouragement to certain degree of indulgence. We are human beings after all, a creature that needs entertainment and enjoyment.

    July 23, 2020 at 9:46 pm

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. Avoid conjunctions (write out “do not”, not “don’t”);
    2. Article errors;
    3. Preposition errors;
    4. Lengthy paragraphs. Restrict each paragraph to 90 words.
    5. About 15% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    July 24, 2020 at 8:55 pm

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