People today spend too much time on personal enjoyment-doing things they like to do rather than doing things they should do. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. TOEFL Writing People today spend too much time on personal enjoyment-doing things they like to do rather than doing things they should do. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

  • w810734756
    University: Beihai technical school
    Nationality: China
    August 24, 2020 at 1:06 pm

    People today spend too much time on personal enjoyment-doing things they like to do rather than doing things they should do. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

    When it comes to the things people are doing now, some people think that they are spending too much time doing things they like to do rather than the things they should do. As far as I am concerned, it should depend on the personal finances and the country they live in.

    Firstly, people in our country still earn less than the world averagely. For instance, when a delivery man earns only 4 thousands yuan each month, which is the average level income of his city, he should use his salary to pay for highly rent, tuition fees for his kids and extras, there may be no surplus left.  Therefore, it’s natural that he has almost no time developing his hobby. However, in a developed country people earn more money per hour, which means they have higherproduction productivity and have time for leisure.

    On the other side, our country are going through an era of fast developing, people are busy working all day to grasp the opportunity and make money, there are fewer people doing the jobs they want to do and willing to squeeze time to doing things they like. According to a survey in a developing country, only 28% students know what they want to do and the rest just want to make more money or promote their living condition. By contrast, the case is merely opposite in the developed country.  education in society now are more inclidedto examination and utility, many students in our country now, which is an unhealthy trend for future development. Sogovernment should reform education evaluation system fairer and care more about the real personal quality.

    Nevertheless, there are people giving up their good living condition and pursuing things they love. No matter moving to little town enjoying life or staying in laboratory day after day to contribute to the country, they both deserve our respect and understanding. But it’s still minority in our country. So it’s highly recommended that we should take our time and think where our real passion is.

    August 25, 2020 at 2:54 am

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. About 50% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    2. Use your own words to rewrite the introductory paragraph.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    w810734756
    University: Beihai technical school
    Nationality: China
    August 25, 2020 at 8:59 am

    Find Things You Want To Do

    Nowadays a growing number of people focus on the problem of the things they are doing now. It triggered hot debate on the Internet. Some people claim that people spend too much time on their entertainment. While others counter that people busy at things they ought to do. In my opinion, people now are doing less things on their interests.

    Firstly, people in our country still earn less than the average. For instance, a delivery man with only four thousand yuan a month has to work over ten hours a day to raise his children and pay expensive rent. It’s obvious that he has almost no time to develop his hobbies. Yet in developed countries, people have more job positions and higher salaries, which means they have wider choices of working and life.

    On the other side, our country is going through a prosperous era. People have been hardly taking time out to think what they want to do. According to a survey in a developing country, only 28% of respondents know what they want to do, while the rest want to make more money for a better life. The case is merely contrary to respondents in the developed country, reflecting education in society now are more inclined to examination and utility, which is an unhealthy trend for teenagers’ future development. So government should reform educational evaluation system and care more about the true personal literacy.

    Still, there are people pursuing things they love even giving up their good living conditions. No matter settling down in the countryside to enjoy life, or doing research in laboratories for the science day after day, they both deserve our respect. But it’s too hard to see in our country. Thus, it’s highly recommended that we should take our time and think what our real passion is.

    August 25, 2020 at 4:09 pm

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. About 30% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    2. Many sentences are factually wrong. Ask yourself if your statement is correct in reality.
    3. There are lots of unclear pronouns (i.e. IT). Replace unclear pronouns with nouns.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    w810734756
    University: Beihai technical school
    Nationality: China
    August 28, 2020 at 3:10 pm

    Nowadays a growing number of people focus on the problem of the things they are doing now. It triggered a hot debate on the Internet. Some people claim that people spend too much time on their entertainment, while others counter that people have to do things that ought to do. In my opinion, people are now doing fewer matters according to their interests.

    First, people in our country still earn less than the average. For instance, a delivery man with only four thousand yuan a month has to work over ten hours a day to raise his children and pay expensive rent. He finally has almost no time to develop his hobbies. By contrast, developed countries have more working positions and higher salaries, which means people living there can choose works they love and do things they like.

    On the other side, our country is going through a prosperous era. People have been hardly taking time out to plan for their future. According to a survey in a developing country, only 28% of respondents know what they want to do, while the rest want to make more money for a better life. The case is contrary to respondents in the developed country, reflecting education in society are more inclined to tests and utility. It is an unhealthy trend for teenagers’ future development. Ministry of education should reform educational evaluation system and care more about personal literacy.

    Still, there are people pursuing things they love even giving up their good living conditions. No matter settling down in the countryside to enjoy life or doing research in laboratories for the science, they both deserve our respect. But it’s too hard to see in our country. Thus, it’s recommended that we should take our time and think what our real passion is.

    August 29, 2020 at 1:59 am

    People today spend too much time on personal enjoyment-doing things they like to do rather than doing things they should do. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

    Nowadays a growing number of people focus on (the problem of the things they are doing)[unclear  ] now. It[ unclear pronoun ] triggered a hot debate on the Internet[irrelevant  ]. Some people claim that people spend too much time on their entertainment, while others counter that people have to do things that ought to do[The prompt requires you, not others, to make a statement  ]. In my opinion, people are now (doing fewer matters according to their interests)[ unclear ].

    First, people in our country[China  ] still earn less than the average[unclear  ]. For instance, a delivery man (with only four thousand yuan a month)[unclear  ] has to work over ten hours a day to raise his children and pay expensive rent. He finally has almost no time to develop his hobbies. By contrast, developed countries have more working positions and higher salaries, which means people living there can choose works they love and do things they like.

    On the other side, our country is going through a prosperous era. People have been hardly taking time out to plan for their future. According to a survey in a developing country, only 28% of respondents know what they want to do, while the rest want to make more money for a better life. The case is contrary to respondents in the developed country, reflecting education in society are more inclined to tests and utility. It is an unhealthy trend for teenagers’ future development. Ministry of education should reform educational evaluation system and care more about personal literacy.

    Still, there are people pursuing things they love even giving up their good living conditions. No matter settling down in the countryside to enjoy life or doing research in laboratories for the science, they both deserve our respect. But it’s too hard to see in our country. Thus, it’s recommended that we should take our time and think what our real passion is.

    August 29, 2020 at 2:07 am

    I couldn’t complete the revision of your essay because ALL sentences are unclear.