People today spend too much time on personal enjoyment—doing things they like to do—rather than doing things they should do. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. TOEFL Writing People today spend too much time on personal enjoyment—doing things they like to do—rather than doing things they should do. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

  • banban345
    University: Sichuan agricultural university
    Nationality: China
    October 22, 2020 at 12:28 pm

    People today spend too much time on personal enjoyment—doing things they like to do—rather than doing things they should do. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

    Frankly, I do not really agree with people today spend too much time on personal enjoyment. It depends on the culture for people doing things they like or doing things they should do. Here come some reasons.

    If you are living in China, of course its full name is People’s Republic of China. It has a long history that we are all taught to know about the philosophy of Kongzi. He was such a kind and generous man at that time, and he gave us a lesson that people should consider about the other people at first.  As a matter of fact, you will find Chinese people today are still eager to help with each other. That is to say people in China are more willing to finish things related to the group even those things are not so pleasant.

    As we all know that culture vary from country to country. Therefore, it may not so difficult to find a culture advocating people here to take a care about their own feeling at the beginning when they are decide to do one thing. For example, the USA. It is a country even the culture to call on the people to pay attention to their own freedom. Back to the 2020 spring, there was a severe epidemic named COVID-19 striking the whole world. It is so epidemical that people must to wear masks if they want to visit to someone. Whereas that is opposite to the freedom belief that the American hold. As a consequence, the situation has become worse and worse since the eruption of the epidemic for those American who disliked to wear masks and got ill.

    All in all, this statement is not so complete because it ignore the culture difference from country to country. For those eastern country, people are more enthusiastic to do things they should do, and the situation is contrast with the western country.

     

    October 24, 2020 at 11:47 pm

     

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. About 30% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    2. Rewrite the introductory paragraph with concrete content.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    October 24, 2020 at 11:49 pm

    Invalid [Complete the revision of your first essay prior to submitting another.]