Percentage of water used in three sectors

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  • hyx
    University: TGPU
    Nationality: China
    July 29, 2020 at 9:12 am

    Percentage of water used in three sectors

    The chart provides information about six different countries’ water-using proportions in three different parts in 2003.

    Half of those countries focus too much on the development of industries, which were Canada, the UK and Russia. The highest proportion of water used in industrial sector was 81% in Canada that even ten times as much as the water consumed in agricultural section(8%). The UK and Russia also utilized most water in industrial sections, and the percentage of that was 73% and 62% respectively.

    Although the percentage of industrial water consumption in Australia was the lowest among six countries, merely at 2%, the proportion of domestic water used in 2003 was the highest, up to 65%, which was almost three times as much as the water used in UK (23%). China only used 6% water in domestic section, which was the lowest.

    Despite the fact that China and Turkey employed less water in industries and domestic sectors, they paid more attention to agriculture, and the proportion of water used in this way was up to 87% in China and 73% in Turkey exceeding the agricultural water consumption in Canada (8%) and UK(4%).

    Overall, Canada, the UK and Russia consumed most water in the industrial sector, while China and Turkey in agricultural section and Australia in domestic sector.

    hyx
    University: TGPU
    Nationality: China
    July 30, 2020 at 1:13 pm

    thank you so much. the question is a chart that i cannot post it. maybe i can send it for you on weichat?

    July 30, 2020 at 3:58 pm

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. Article errors;
    2. Wordy – remove unnecessary words;
    3. Topic missing – what question are you answering?
    4. About 60% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    5. About 20% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.