Some people think that personal happiness is directly related to economic success. others argue that happiness depends on different factors. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. IELTS Writing Some people think that personal happiness is directly related to economic success. others argue that happiness depends on different factors. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

  • sigrid
    University: chongqing medical university
    Nationality: China
    May 22, 2020 at 5:42 am

    Some people think that personal happiness is directly related to economic success. others argue that happiness depends on different factors. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

    The economy is a primary factor to measure individual happiness. Although, in general, we believe that money can resolve a large amount of problem, some people support that other factors are still related to happiness.

    Many people think that achieving economic success is a significant channel for well-being. Because many material conditions lead to happiness based on money. One thing that most people concern is education. Wealthy is regarded as a base stone to the elite class education. And some scandals are exposed that millionaires bought admission fees to prestigious universities for their offsprings. Moreover, both universities and companies focus more on comprehensive qualities than merely good scores. To improve such qualities will undoubtedly cost a fortune. On the other facet, the rich are able to splurge on whatever can make them happy without any financial burden. They seem to get a kick out of luxury entertainment readily.

    However, we usually can see people who earn less money or who escape from wealth environment experience a happy life. These people pursue psychological satisfaction as the source of happiness, rather than typical materials. As the description in “The Moon and Sixpence”, the main character abandons his successful career and his wealthy family in London, staying in a remote island to explore the meaning of art. He indeed experiences unrivalled happiness during that period, despite suffering poverty and starvation. Besides, as individuals from ordinary backgrounds, our well-beings can stem from a preferred job such as the stand-up comedian who cracks jokes for the audience and pleasure himself. And those who own lovely family are “millionaire” in spirit. What family relationship brings them can not be mentioned with money in the same breath.

    In conclusion, the economy is not the only factor that leads to happiness, the other consideration, like the family and career, should not be ignored.

    May 22, 2020 at 10:47 pm

    Score: 50.2

    Issues:

    1. About 15% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts;
    2. Failure to present thesis in the introductory paragraph;
    3. Learn how to use coordinating words, as well as punctuations in relation to the use of punctuation words;
    4. Lengthy paragraphs. Restrict each paragraph to 90 words.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    sigrid
    University: chongqing medical university
    Nationality: China
    May 23, 2020 at 1:30 am

    The economy is a primary factor in measuring individual happiness. Although, in general, money can resolve a large amount of problems, some people support that other factors still relate to happiness.

    Many people regard economic success as a channel for well-being, because material conditions they pursue base on money. For example, most educators and parents would agree that wealth is the foundation to access elite education. That is why some scandals of millionaires buying qualifications of prestigious universities are exposed. Moreover, universities focus more on comprehensive qualities than on merely good scores. To improve such qualities will undoubtedly cost a fortune. On the other facet, the rich are able to splurge on whatever can make them happy without any financial burden. They seem to get a kick from luxury entertainment readily.

    However, we usually can see people who earn less money or escape from wealthy environment experience a happy life. These people pursue psychological satisfaction as the source of happiness, rather than typical materials. As the description in “The Moon and Sixpence”, the main character abandons his successful career and wealthy family in London, staying in a remote island to explore the meaning of art. He indeed experiences unrivaled happiness during that period, despite suffering poverty and starvation.

    Besides, as individuals from ordinary backgrounds, our well-being can stem from a job we are passionate about. such as the stand-up comedian who cracks jokes for the audience and please himself. As for those own a lovely family, they are spiritually wealthy. What the family relationship brings them can not be mentioned with money in the same breath.

    In conclusion, the achieving economy success is not the only way to happiness, we should take other factors, like the family and career, into consideration.

    • This reply was modified 2 weeks ago by Avatarsigrid.
    May 23, 2020 at 1:53 am

    Score: 45.1

    Issues:

    1. About 10% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.

     

    sigrid
    University: chongqing medical university
    Nationality: China
    May 23, 2020 at 2:55 am

    The economy is a primary factor in measuring individual happiness. Although, in general, money can resolve a large amount of problems, some people support that other factors still relate to happiness.

    Many people regard economic success as a channel for well-being, because material conditions they pursue base on the money. For example, most educators and parents would agree that wealth is the foundation to access elite education. One reason might be that universities focus more on comprehensive qualities than on merely good scores. To improve such qualities will cost a fortune. On the other facet, the rich can splurge on whatever can make them happy without any financial burden. They seem to get a kick from luxury entertainment readily.

    However, we usually can see people who earn less money or escape from wealthy environment experience happy life. These people pursue psychological satisfaction as the source of happiness, rather than typical materials. For example, as the description in “The Moon and Sixpence”, the main character abandons his successful career and wealthy family in London. He explores the meaning of art in a remote island and experiences unrivaled happiness, despite suffering poverty and diseases.

    Besides, as individuals from ordinary backgrounds, our well-being can stem from a job we are passionate about. The stand-up comedian who cracks jokes for the audience and pleases himself might be a good example. As for people who own a lovely family, they are spiritually wealthy. They gain their happiness from love.

    In conclusion, achieving economic success is not the only way to happiness, we should take other factors, like the family and career, into consideration.

    May 27, 2020 at 6:50 pm

    Score: 49

    (The economy) [unclear  ] is a primary factor in measuring (individual happiness)[ makes no sense ] . Although, in general, money can resolve a large amount [wrong word  ] of problems, some people support [ wrong word ] that other factors still relate to happiness. [ fail to present the thesis in the introductory paragraph/need to give your position. ]

    Many people regard economic success as a (channel for well-being)[ unclear ] , [punctuation error  ] because [ article error ] material conditions they pursue base on the[  article error] money. For example, most educators and parents would agree that wealth is the foundation to access [article error  ] elite education. (One reason)[ unclear/logically disconnected with the prior sentence ] might be that universities focus more on (comprehensive qualities)[  unclear] than on merely good scores. To improve such qualities will cost a fortune. [unclear  ] On the other facet, the rich can splurge on whatever can make them happy without any financial burden. [ choppy sentence ] They seem to get a kick from luxury entertainment readily.[ unclear ]

    However, we[shift of person  ] usually can see people who earn less money or escape from[ article error ] wealthy environment experience[ wrong verb ] happy life. These people pursue psychological satisfaction as the source of happiness, [ punctuation error ] “rather than typical materials”[ misplaced ] . For example, as[ wrong preposition ] the description in “The Moon and Sixpence”, the main character abandons his successful career and wealthy family in London. He explores the meaning of art in a remote island and experiences unrivaled happiness, despite suffering poverty and diseases[awkaward writing  ] .

    Besides, as individuals from ordinary backgrounds, our well-being[ well-being is not INDIVIDUALS ] can stem from a job we are passionate about. The stand-up comedian who cracks jokes for the audience and pleases himself might be a good example. As for people who own a lovely family, they are spiritually wealthy. They gain their happiness from love.

    In conclusion, achieving economic success is not the only way to happiness, [logical confusion/punctuation error  ] we should take other factors, like the family and career, into consideration.