For future career success, is relating well to other people more important than studying hard at school?

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. TOEFL Writing For future career success, is relating well to other people more important than studying hard at school?

  • russellcy
    University: DONGHUA university
    Nationality: china
    March 19, 2021 at 2:36 pm

    For future career success, is relating well to other people more important than studying hard at school?

    Colleges now have become miniatures of society, a haul of students focus more on relation circuit than endeavor on study because of the phenomenon that people could live in higher condition with less capacity. I totally disagree with the idea that it is more essential to get along well with others, instead of paying more attention to schoolwork.

    To start with, as students, it is still substantial to work hard. School is the preparation of skills for career. Sparing too much efforts to relationship, there would be modicum of time on study which leads to failure on profession. Although relationships are also important in schooltime and beneficial to career sometimes, lack of ability and knowledge can be fatal because nobody will hire someone who is eligible to the position. Just imagine who will you, as a boss, would choose from a professional strange and a skill-weaken friend.

    Another point is that schools are normally seen as a stepstone to society by students and their parents. They are so avid to obtain experience and so frightened by acute competition in future. In this case, some students join in the Student Union passionately, imagining it is a good access and opportunity to gain experience in career. However, the researchers found that only few students who are at leader positions achieve their goals. The others are mostly wasting their time which is supposed to sharpen their mind and skills on dreadful meaningless paperwork. Moreover, there is a cosmic gap between society and school which means the experience in school could all be infeasible in society.

    To sum up, studying hard is more crucial for future prosperous career. The kernel of success is professional skills and knowledge. Well relationship with others is a stitch on scrapped clothes which make you warmer, while they are not the scrapped clothes which keep you away from the chill.

    March 21, 2021 at 2:19 am

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. About 40% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Simplify or split them. (TOEFL/IELTS: 15%- qualifies for non-software revision; 30% applies to GRE writing)
    2. About 15% of the sentences are passive; convert them into their active counterparts. (10%- qualifies for non-software TOEFL/IELTS/GRE writing revision ).

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.