In some countries, secondary schools aim to provide a general education across a range of subjects. In others, children focus on a narrow range of subjects related to a particular career. Which do you think is appropriate in today’s world?

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. IELTS Writing In some countries, secondary schools aim to provide a general education across a range of subjects. In others, children focus on a narrow range of subjects related to a particular career. Which do you think is appropriate in today’s world?

  • hutuo
    University: china parmaceutical university
    Nationality: china
    May 15, 2020 at 3:50 am

    In some countries, secondary schools aim to provide a general education across a range of subjects. In others, children focus on a narrow range of subjects related to a particular career. Which do you think is appropriate in today’s world?

    The educational range of secondary school varies from country to country. some people think it’s better for secondary schools to teach students across a general range of subjects, while others believe it’s beneficial to teach in a narrow way. In my opinion, I strongly support that a wide range of subjects has far more advantages than the narrow one.

    Although some people may argue that teaching across limited subjects may help students develop working skills rapidly, it could bring more disadvantages than advantages. First, exposed to too limited subjects, students may find it difficult to explore their interests, which may discourage their passion for pursuing knowledge. Second, the students receive limited classes may have a more narrative mind and can come up with less creative ideas. Third, you may get in trouble when you study some classes individually. For example, if you study biology courses in the absence of chemistry courses, you may find it difficult to understand some basic principles of biology.

    Receiving a wide range of subjects in secondary schools can benefit students a lot in many aspects. Studying different subjects across several disciplines help students discover their tendencies of interests, which makes it easier for them to choose jobs for being conscious of what they really like. Besides, students getting ideas from different subjects can be more creative and efficient when solving tricky problems. In addition, the knowledges of different subjects are interrelated, which means that you can understand a concept of on subject by applying what you have learned in other subjects.

    In conclude, I argue that a wide range of classes in secondary schools is definitely better than the narrow one.

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    May 15, 2020 at 8:54 pm

    Score: 52.5

    Issues:

    1. About 50% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    2. Many words were wrong used, which detorted the meaning of the sentence. I.E. educational range.
    3. Repetition of the topic. You need to write in your own words.
    4. Lots of punctuation errors. You need to learn the basic rules governing how to use comma and semicolon.
    5. Shift of person (I, we, you, 3rd person).

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    hutuo
    University: china parmaceutical university
    Nationality: china
    May 16, 2020 at 7:44 am

    The number of alternative subjects for students in secondary schools varies in different countries. In some regions, children are provided with a wide range of courses. In others, contrarily, a limited number of career-oriented classes are set in secondary schools. In my opinion, it’s better to offer a variety of subjects to middle school students.

    Though the job-oriented educational system may help students with job hunting, it will bring more disadvantages than advantages for students who are at early educational stage. First, when just taking classes in few disciplines, the students may not be interested in the provided classes and then feel discouraged in school. Second, students tend to have a narrow mind and find it difficult to come up with creative ideas to solve problems. Third, students may not be capable to understand some concepts completely in their provided subject in the absence of another subject. For example, it is necessary to study chemistry for comprehending some biological principles.

    On the contrary, the educational way covering more disciplines can benefit middle school students a lot in many aspects. On the one hand, students provided with varieties of subjects are more likely to find their personal preferences, and, consequently, study more actively. This may help them achieve more in their school works and professional lives. On the other hand, Knowledges from different subjects may help students establish a pluralistic thinking model. This means that, when facing tricky problems, they could think essentially and figure out solutions in different aspects.

    In conclusion, I think it’s more beneficial to provide students with a wide range of courses in secondary school.

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    May 19, 2020 at 1:57 am

    Score: 53.8

    Issues:

    1. About 30% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    2. About 15% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.
    3. Consecutive sentences start with the same word.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    hutuo
    University: china parmaceutical university
    Nationality: china
    May 21, 2020 at 1:26 pm

    The number of available subjects for middle school students varies in different countries. In some regions, schools provide students with a wide range of courses. In others, schools just set several career-oriented classes. In my opinion, it’s better to offer sufficient courses to students in secondary schools.

    A job-oriented educational system may help students with job hunting, but it will bring many disadvantages for students at the early educational stage. First, the students may not be interested in the provided classes that limited in a few disciplines. This could definitely discourage them in school. Second, the students receiving classes across a few subjects tend have a narrower vision. They may find it hard to come up with creative ideas. Third, students may not be capable of understanding some concepts in a given subject when don’t study other subjects. For example, it is necessary to study chemistry in order to comprehend some biological principles.

    Contrarily, providing classes across more disciplines can benefit middle school students a lot in many aspects. Students provided with various subjects are more likely to identify their own interests and study more actively. This may help them achieve more in their school works and professional lives. Besides, Knowledge across different subjects may help students establish a multiple thinking model. This would help them to analyze and solve problems from different angles.

    In conclusion, my stance is that providing a wide range of courses in secondary school is a better choice.

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    May 22, 2020 at 2:19 am

    Score: 58.2

    Issues:

    1. Inaccurate words being used distort the topic. i.e. regions (different in meaning from countries/nations); Sufficient Courses means different from a Broad Range of courses;
    2. Many pronouns used (it, this., etc) are unclear. Replace UNCLEAR pronouns with nouns;
    3. Lots of grammatical errors.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    hutuo
    University: china parmaceutical university
    Nationality: china
    May 23, 2020 at 8:50 am

    The number of available subjects for middle school students varies in different countries. In some regions, schools provide students with a wide range of courses. In others, schools set several career-oriented classes. In my opinion, it’s better to offer sufficient courses to students in secondary schools.

    A job-oriented educational system may help students with job hunting, but it can be harmful to students at the early educational stage. First, the students may not be interested in the provided classes that are limited in a few disciplines. Lacking interests could make them feel discouraged in school. Second, the students receiving classes across a few subjects tend to have a narrower vision. They may find it hard to come up with creative ideas. Third, students may not be capable of understanding some concepts in a given subject when they don’t study other subjects. For example, it is necessary to study chemistry to comprehend some biological principles.

    Contrarily, providing classes across more disciplines can benefit middle school students in many aspects. Students provided with various subjects are more likely to identify their interests and study more actively. This attitude may help them achieve more in their school work and professional lives. Besides, knowledge across different subjects may help students establish a multiple thinking model. Having this kind of thinking model would help them to analyze and solve problems from different angles and efficiently.

    In conclusion, my stance is that providing a wide range of courses in secondary school is a better choice.

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    May 27, 2020 at 6:25 pm

     

    Score: ungraded

    The number of (available subjects) [ unclear  ] for middle school students varies in different countries. In some regions[ wrong word  ], schools provide students with a wide range of courses. In others, schools set several career-oriented classes. In my opinion, (it’s better to offer)[  change to strong verb and don’t use IT IS… ] sufficient courses to students in secondary schools.

    A job-oriented educational system may help students with job hunting, but it can be harmful to students at the early educational stage.[ irrelevant to the topic/use a topic sentence directly relating to the topic  ] First, the students may not be interested in the provided classes that are limited in a few disciplines[ unclear  ]. Lacking interests could make them[ unclear pronoun  ] feel discouraged in school. Second, the [  article error ]students receiving classes across a few subjects tend to have a narrower vision. They may find it hard to come up with creative ideas. Third, students may not be capable of understanding some concepts in a given subject when they don’t study other subjects. For example, it is necessary to study chemistry to comprehend some biological principles.

    Contrarily, providing classes across more disciplines can benefit middle school students in many aspects. Students provided with various subjects are more likely to identify their interests and study more actively. This attitude may help them achieve more in their school work and professional lives. Besides, knowledge across different subjects may help students establish a (multiple thinking model)[  unclear ]. Having this kind of thinking model would help them to analyze and solve problems from different angles and efficiently[imbalanced structure   ].

    In conclusion, my stance is that providing a wide range of courses in secondary school is a better choice.

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