Some parents offer their school-age children money for each high grade (mark) they get in school. Do you think this is a good idea?

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. TOEFL Writing Some parents offer their school-age children money for each high grade (mark) they get in school. Do you think this is a good idea?

  • eileen_wang
    University: sufe
    Nationality: china
    July 31, 2022 at 1:41 pm

    Some parents offer their school-age children money for each high grade (mark) they get in school. Do you think this is a good idea?

    Firstly, it will stimulate children to study hard in school, which is beneficial to children’s future development. Since most of children want to have money to buy things they like, such as different kinds of toys, a movie acted by a famous actors or actresses, and good scores can help them get the money, it is not difficult to understand that children will do their utmost when they are in school or taking exams, which will sure to be good for their future paths. Here comes an example. My young sister, who is 16 years old, always wants to have new toys. And last year, her mother agreed that if she got more than 90 scores in a text, her mother would give her 5 yuan as encouragement. After that, my young sister does very well in the text, and it is possible for her to get success in the college entrance exam, which is very important during her life time. So giving money helps children to have better performance in school.

    Secondly, money gave to children enables children to buy things they like, so it may help children relax themselves, being good for their mental health. Children usually do hard at school, such as listening to teacher lecturing all day, staying up late for homework and reviewing for the different exams, so it is common for them to feel stressed out. If parents can give some money as reward, children will feel that it is worth working hard in school. And they can use the money to go to a movie or have a delicious meal in their leisure time, which is really a marvelous way to refresh their mind. They just forget burden in school, relaxing themselves. Hence, it has obvious advantages for their mental health. Studies have shown that if children can not get enough time for relaxing, it will be easier for them to get depression, even some of them need to go to see a doctor. Also, after relaxing, children can better devote themselves into study.

    August 1, 2022 at 8:39 pm
    • Fix the issues highlighted in the screenshot reviews;
    • Restrict each paragraph to 90 words.
    eileen_wang
    University: sufe
    Nationality: china
    August 2, 2022 at 1:58 am

    Firstly, it stimulates children to study hard in school. Since most children want to have money to buy things they like and good scores can help them get money, it isn’t difficult to understand children will do their utmost, which is good for their future paths. My young sister always wants to have new toys. Her mother agreed if she got more than 90 scores, her mother would give her 5 yuan. After that, my young sister does very well in school.

    Secondly, money helps children relax, being good for mental health. Children usually do hard at school, so it is common for them to feel stressed out. If parents can give some money as rewards, children can use money to go to a movie or have a delicious meal in their leisure time, which is really an excellent way to refresh their mind. Studies have shown that if children can not get enough time to relax, it will be easier for them to get depression, even need to go to see a doctor.

    • This reply was modified 1 week, 2 days ago by eileen_wang.
    August 10, 2022 at 7:29 pm

    Firstly, it[ unclear pronoun ] stimulates[encourages  ] children to study hard in school. Since most [ many ] children want to have money to buy things they like and good scores can help them get money, it isn’t difficult to understand children[the kids  ] will do their utmost[unclear  ] , which is good for their future paths[ unclear ] . My young[word form error  ] sister always wants to have new toys. Her mother agreed[ that ] if she got more than 90 scores[grammatical error  ] , her mother would give her 5 yuan. After that, my young sister does [ grammatical error ] very well in school.

    Secondly, money helps children relax, being good for mental health. Children usually do hard at school, so it is common for them to feel stressed out. If parents can give some money as rewards, children can use money to go to a movie or have a delicious meal in their leisure time, which is really an excellent way to refresh their mind. Studies have shown that if children can not get enough time to relax, it will be easier for them to get depression, even need to go to see a doctor.

    August 10, 2022 at 7:34 pm

    Partial revision – all sentences are problematic.