Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
-
July 9, 2020 at 1:46 pm
Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
The past centuries have witnessed the influence of music on humans. There is a point of view that music has a function to make diverse races together across age ranges and various cultural backgrounds. In my opinion, I totally support this view.
First, music plays a significant role in human solidarity, which is not about age or gender. It has to be mentioned as a historical event to prove the point. Last century, Germany was divided into two countries with east and west. It is interesting that Beethoven’s work, Symphony No. 9 as a bond reconcile between the eastern populace and the western ones to assist in overthrowing the Berlin Wall, due to the fact that they both think that the classical tune is their pride. Nowadays, because the song is meaningful for people who desire peace and uniting, it has been filled lyrics and translated to more than a hundred versions of different languages throughout the world. Besides, it was chosen as the EU song to symbolize eternal unity. This is the reason why it is so important, which is a strong force to trigger people’s empathy.
In addition, it indicates a power emotionally to link people of all nationalities. The distinct example is when we experience some disasters, we can be inspired to face it by music. During the COVID-19, the WHO promote a vocal concert online called “One world: Together at home”, which consist of famous singers from all over the world. People in different cultures are comforted and inspired, at that moment, they did not feel lonely anymore. Music gives them a sense of belonging, which also proves the proverb that people of the world are families. Therefore, music absolutely is the best approach to tie individuals, which can eliminate the differences.
In short, music is the indispensable part of our lives , which link and touch us during the moment of excitement, sadness or joyousness.
July 10, 2020 at 10:54 pmScore: ungraded
Issues:
- About 30% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
- About 35% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.
- Lengthy paragraphs. Restrict each paragraph to 90 words.
I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.
July 11, 2020 at 1:20 amMusic has always been an indispensable part of our lives, almost everyone has heard music. It is generally believed that music can link diverse people across age ranges and disparate cultural backgrounds. I definitely support this view.
First, music plays a significant role in race solidarity, which is not about age. This is a historical event to prove the point. Last century, Germany was divided into two countries with east and west. Under the political conditions, Beethoven’s Symphony No. 9 as a bond reconcile the eastern populace and the western ones, due to the fact that they both think that the classical tune is their pride. Afterwards, the public picked it as the EU song to symbolize eternal unity. Music seems an unifier helping them together for love and peace, which removes the generational disparity.
Furthermore, music expresses universal sentiments to contact all races. When collectives encounter disasters, its role is clearly manifested. During the COVID-19, the WHO sponsors a vocal concert online called “One world: Together at home”, which consists of famous singers from all over the world. At that moment, people in different countries got comfort and had a sense of belonging. It proves the proverb “People of the world are families”. From this, music eliminates the differences, which makes the connection across cultural divides.
In short, music plays an indispensable role in gathering people. Especially, when the world split occurs, it is the common ground we found to build cross-cultural and cross-generational relationships.
July 11, 2020 at 2:56 amMusic has always been an indispensable part of our lives, [ punctuation error ]almost everyone has heard music. It is generally believed that music can link diverse people across age ranges and disparate cultural backgrounds. I definitely support this view.
First, music plays a significant role in race solidarity(, which is not about age)[redundant/irrelevant ]. This[unclear pronoun ] is a historical event to prove the point. Last century, Germany was divided into two countries (with east and west)[ unclear ]. Under the political conditions, Beethoven’s Symphony No. 9 as a bond reconcile the eastern populace and[ wrong word ] the western ones, [ punctuation error ]
due to the fact that[ because ]they both think that the classical tune is their pride. Afterwards, the public picked it[ unclear pronoun ] as the EU song[ wrong word ] to symbolize eternal unity. Music seems an [ wrong article ]unifier helping (them together)[unclear ] for love and peace, which removes the generational disparity.Furthermore, music expresses universal sentiments( to contact all races)[ unclear]. When collectives encounter disasters, its[unclear pronoun ] role is clearly manifested. During the COVID-19 [ pandemic], the WHO sponsors a vocal concert online[ misplaced ] called “One world: Together at home[upper case error ]”, which consists of famous singers from all over the world. At that moment, people in different countries got comfort and had a sense of belonging. It [unclear pronoun ]proves the proverb “People of the world are families[ inconsistent in upper/lower case ]”. From this[ unclear pronoun ], music eliminates the differences, which makes[ use a stronger verb ] the connection across cultural divides.
In short, music (plays an indispensable role in gathering people)[ repetition ]. Especially, when the world
(split occurs)[ splits/divides ], it[unclear pronoun ] is the common ground we found to build cross-cultural and cross-generational relationships.
