Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. IELTS Writing Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required.

  • gao
    University: 内蒙古财经大学
    Nationality: 中国
    November 21, 2019 at 6:59 am

    IELTS Task 2: Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required.

    Some individuals argue that exercising infrastructures should be built to prompt public health, while others think that other methods can replace those facilities. In my opinion, governments should take several steps to deal with this problem.

    Residents indeed hold the view that with more sports facilities, people could exercise regularly and improve their healthy states. If a large number of sports areas can be built, that would offer residents places to both strengthen their bodies and refresh their minds.what is more, the area is more than a place just to build up bodies, it is an area to make friends that share same hobbies, where they can communicate experiences and learn new skills from each other. Without those facilities, people in their spare time would like to choose to stay at home more to go after other alternative recreations, such as computer games, which are popular with teenagers and would not only do harm to their eyesight but also lead to obesity.

    I agree that alternative measures can be applied to care about public health. On the one hand, junk food should be restricted by governments through healthy advertisements on social media, which could improve the health awareness of the public. On the other hand, encouraging transmits whose living apartments are not far from the companies to walk to work is a good way for those do not have extra time for doing sports, and nowadays, it is normal for many companies and organizations to form a new system which organizes employees to do regular exercise not only encourage them to be enthusiastic but also help them to built healthy bodies. Without those measures, it is hard for residents to keep a healthy state.

    In conclusion, sports facilities can provide residents a place to exercise, however, governments should take more steps to achieve this goal.

    November 21, 2019 at 5:11 pm

    Score: 54.1

    Issues:

    1. More than 60% of the sentences exceed 20 words [recommended 15%-]. Shorten/split most of them.
    2. About 30% of the sentences are passive; convert them into their active counterparts.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.