Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
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August 19, 2019 at 2:35 pm
IELTS Writing Topic: Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Cambridge 14 test 2
Some people argue that the paramount problem for the environment is the extinction of particular kinds of animals and plants, while others say that there are more essential issues. I strongly agree that the disappearance of species is not the foremost problem.
On the one hand, the loss of species may jeopardize the local biodiversity and bio balance. If an animal in the food chain cease to exist, other members of the chain may end up in danger of a decline in the number. In turn, such an event could trigger others food chains in a region because chains are related to each other. An avalance occur, perpetrating the bio balance and harming the biodiversity. The example of such a disaster is one island in the Pacific, where poachers killed local cats for fur. Not the island has no life because after the killing of all cats the rats ate all vegetation and every animal died of starvation.
On the other hand, pollution and the contraction of living space for the wildlife jeopardize flora and fauna a lot. As cities grow, more and more toxic waste is produced, as well as more wilderness is populated leaving no room for animals. Consequently, particular kinds of animals become endangered or extinct, and one has all problems mentioned above. For instance, the deforestation in the basin of the river Amazon, which caused extinction of thousands of types of animals and plants, was initiated because of overpopulated towns in Brazil (the cities demanded the expansion). So, pollution and lack of space might be the very reason for species liss and must be tackled or alleviated.
In conclusion, even though the protection of species is vital for biodiversity and bio balance, there are issues which can cause species’ extinction, like pollution or contradiction of living space for flora and fauna. These issues are more essential.
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August 26, 2019 at 10:34 pmScore: 57.8
Suggestions for Improvement
- Shorten/split sentences exceeding 20 words;
- Convert passive sentences into their active counterparts.
Problems Highlight
IELTS Writing Topic: Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Cambridge 14 test 2Some people argue that the paramount problem for the environment is the extinction of particular kinds of animals and plants, while others say that there are more essential issues. [ Wordy ]I strongly agree that the disappearance of species is not the foremost problem.On the one hand, the loss of species may jeopardize the local biodiversity and bio balance. If an animal in the food chain cease [ grammatical error ] to exist, other members of the chain may end up in danger of a decline in the number. In turn, such an event could trigger others [ incorrect word ] food chains in a region because chains are related [passive /relate to] to each other. An avalance [ spelling error ] occur[ grammatical error ] , perpetrating [spelling error ] the bio balance and harming the biodiversity. The example of such a disaster is one island in the Pacific, where poachers killed local cats for fur. Not the island has no life because after the killing of all cats the rats ate all vegetation and every animal died of starvation[ awkward sentence ] .On the other hand, pollution and the contraction of living space for the wildlife jeopardize [ repetition ] flora and fauna a lot[ informal/considerably/significantly ] . As cities grow, more and more toxic waste is produced, as well as more wilderness is populated [punctuation error ] leaving no room for animals. Consequently, particular kinds of animals become endangered or extinct, and one[ unclear pronoun ] has all [article error ] problems mentioned above.[ Wordy ] For instance, the deforestation in the basin of the river Amazon, which caused [ article error ] extinction of thousands of types of animals and plants, was initiated [passive ] because of overpopulated towns in Brazil (the cities demanded the expansion). [ Wordy ]So, pollution and lack of space might be the very reason for species liss and [unparalleled/ might be – must be ] must be tackled [passive ] or alleviated.In conclusion, even though the protection of species is [Be Verb/remains ] vital for biodiversity and bio balance, there are issues which can cause species’ extinction, like pollution or contradiction of living space for flora and fauna. [ Wordy ] These issues are more essential.Comment: There are more errors than those highlighted ones. Please revise and resubmit your essay for further assessment and revision. Regards.
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WritersForMe Writing Tips
- Absolute Statement: Avoid using absolute statement.
- ARTICLE ERROR: errors concerning a, an, the. This is a prominent issue for Chinese students. Make sure to add/remove/change articles considering a specific context.
- BE VERBS: BE verbs are dull and vague. Use concrete verbs to replace BE verbs whenever needed. I.E. commercials are beneficial to children. – Commercials benefit children.
- COHERENCE: To improve the natural flow from one sentence to the other, make the subject of a sentence echo the subject, or the object, of the last sentence.
- COORDINATING CONJUNCTION error: In formal writing, a comma is needed when the 7 coordinating words (for, and, nor, but, or, yet, so – FANBOYS) are connecting sentences/clauses.
- Effectiveness: use verbs instead of BE+adjectives to improve effectiveness.
- Grammatical Errors: grammatical mistakes.
- It + Be + Verb: Wordy.
- Logical confusion. Although a sentence is grammatically correct, often it is logically/factually confusing. Having written a sentence, ask yourself if the sentence is logically complete, and/or factually true.
- NOT problem. Experienced writers often avoid using NOT in English writing. I.e. Jack was very upset because he had not passed the GRE test. – I.e. Jack was very upset because he had failed the GRE test.
- PASSIVE VOICE: In many cases, clarity suffers when using passive voice. In particular linguistic contexts, using passive voice is fine.
- Semicolon: Use a semicolon in front of an adverb/adverbial phrase.
- Subjunctive: Memorize the grammatical rules for subjunctive mood.
- There Be Sentence: Wordy
- Unclear Pronouns: A pronoun (it, this, that, they, them., etc) unclearly refers to the prior content. For example, the first sentence contains two singular nouns, so IT in the second sentence can refer either of them.
- Unparalleled Structure: use paralleled structures, including tense.
- VERBOSE: The sentence/phrase can be simplified.
- WEAK VERBS: an alternative verb may help improve sentence effectiveness and clarity. The Internet makes us know many things. – The Internet helps us (to) know many things.
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