Some people think job satisfaction is more important than job security; other people think one should find a permanent job. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Score: ungraded

Issues:

1. About 30% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
2. Lots of grammatical errors;
3. Many pronouns are unclear;
4. Lots of articles are wrong used.

I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

Score: 54

Nowadays, [ When the economy does well, ]job options [are abundant.  ]are essential in one’s life. [ During the current covid-19 pandemic, however, ]I think[ argue that ] people should find a steady employment, although someone may be prone to pursue an advanced career[  unclear].

On the one hand, job security leads to a direct impact on [ensures  ]the standard of one’s life. First, The steady job means that people are likely to earn a steady income. By earning salaries, people can raise their family[ families ] and cover [ by ]their living expenses. They are able to pay [ paying ]off the mortgage[s,  ] and pay bills[ and other expenses ].

Second, [Additionally,  ]a steady career makes it possible for people [helps  ]to build [a  ] strong[er  ] family ties between parents and children[ domestic/familial bond ]. After having enough money, parents can [use their income to  ]meet their children’s demand[s,  ]. It can [thereby  ]avoid[ing  ] domestic conflicts (because of)[ /resulted from ] financial difficulties[/hardship  ]. (What’s more, parents may use their income to build comfortable living environment. It is of beneficial [ word form error ]to children’s growth.)[ unclear ]

On the other hand, some opponents [Opponents/critics  ]argue that job satisfaction [ surpasses career security ] should be given a priority. [Their argument erects/(sits squarely) on the fact that  ]They consider that [ many ]people are always tend to have a [ advance their ]career advancement and [in order to  ]enjoy a sense of success. (For example, someone may switch their job because they are intent upon finding their interested fields. Many people also pursue  opportunities to work in  large companies, where can serve a high-level platform for them.)[difficult to understand/lots of mistakes  ] They[ This makes them to ] believe [ that ]they can tap into their potential and achieve their ambitions easily in these large companies.

In my opinion, it is realistic to find a steady employment.[ unclear ] The career advancement is[remains  ] (far away)[ unattainable for ] from the majority of [ most ]people [during the post-pandemic period  ]. In other words, pursuing job satisfaction always means fierce competition with others. As a result, [I ague that  ]people are likely [should  ]to work under pressure instead of achieving a [ while sacrificing the ]sense of satisfaction. To sum up, it is important for people to find a steady employment.

Score: 59.2

When the economy does well, job options are abundant [ abound]. During the current covid-19 pandemic, [however, unemployment remains unprecedentedly low in many parts of the world. ][As such,]I think[ that] people should find a steady employment, although someone may be prone to pursue a fulfilling career.[better switch to:  As such, I argue that people should prioritize job satisfaction during good economic times but emphasize occupational security when the economy struggles. ]

On the one hand, job security ensures the standard of one’s life and help people build good family relationship. As for the former, [In fact, stable salaries not only allow ]people can [to ]raise their families and [but also to ]live comfortably by earning steady salaries.( Resulting from people can cover their living expenses such as paying off the mortgages and paying bills. )[ confusing]

Apart from this, [Additionally, ]a steady career helps [ one]to build a stronger domestic bond. [ With a job,]This is because parents [people ]can use their income to meet children’s material demands. Thereby [, thereby ]avoiding domestic conflicts resulted from financial hardship. Consequently, people can lead a good quality of life with their families.

On the other hand, opponents [ unclear ] argue that job satisfaction surpasses career security. Their argument erects on the fact that many people are always tend to advance their career[careers  ] in order to enjoy a sense of success.[ poor logical connection from the last sentence ] For example, some people may pursue[ seek ] opportunities to work in large companies, where [grammatical error  ] can serve a high-level platform for them. This[ unclear pronoun ] makes them to [ grammatical error ] believe that they can tap into their potential and achieve their ambitions easily in these large companies.

In my opinion, I agree that people should find a steady job. This is because career advancement remains unattainable for most people during the post-pandemic period. In other words, pursuing job satisfaction always means[ confronting ] fierce competition with[ wrong preposition ] others. As a result, I argue that people should not [try to write without using NOT  ] work under pressure and sacrifice their family life because of work commitment. To sum up, it is important for people to find a steady employment.

Final revision

When the economy does well, job options are abound. During the current covid-19 pandemic, however, unemployment remains unprecedentedly low in many parts of the world. As such, I argue that people should prioritize job satisfaction during good economic times but emphasize occupational security when the economy struggles.

On the one hand, job security ensures the standard of one’s life and help [ helps ] people build good family relationship. In fact, stable salaries not only allow people to raise their families but also to [  allow them to] live comfortably.Additionally, a steady [stable  ]career [occupation  ] helps one to build a stronger domestic bond. With a solid[stable  ] job, people can use their income to meet children’s material demands, thereby avoiding domestic conflicts resulted from financial hardship. More importantly, with a steady job, parents can pay tuition fees for their children so [ that the kids ]children can acquire premium education.

On the other hand, someone [ some critics ]argue that job satisfaction surpasses career[professional  ] security. Their argument erects on the fact that many people are interested in [changing jobs  ]various career. These well-motivated employees intend to gain a sense of success from a [new  ]job. For example, some people[of them  ] may seek opportunities to work in [ with/at ]large[ big ] companies, where [they  ]can tap into [unlock  ]their potential and achieve their ambitions easily .

In my opinion,[On this matter,  ] I agree[ argue ] that people should find a steady job. [, at least during the post-covid era, during which  ]This is because career advancement remains unattainable for most[many  ] people during the post-pandemic period. In other words, pursuing job satisfaction always means confronting competition among other staff. As a result, people may have to work under pressure and sacrifice their family life because of work commitment. To sum up, it is important for people to find a steady employment as they can have a good quality of life .[Poorly structured. Don’t introduce details in the final paragraph.  ]