Some people think limiting the use of technology is beneficial for young students

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. TOEFL Writing Some people think limiting the use of technology is beneficial for young students

  • kevin
    University: WHBC
    Nationality: China
    August 13, 2020 at 12:57 pm

    Some people think that limiting the use of technology is beneficial for young students (age 6-12), while others hold the opposite opinion. Which do you prefer, why? Use specific examples and details to support your answer.

    The speed of development of technology is keep increasing nowadays, and the lifestyles of young people is keep affected by the advancement technology. While some people hold the opinion that those technology should be limited among young students, I believe the benefits brought by technology outweigh the drawbacks.

    We have to acknowledge that allowing them to use those technology such as televisions, computers and cell phones will potentially cause them to become addicted to them. In this way, time of studying and exercising will be occupied and quality of completing them will also be decreased. Also, another potential drawback is those young students may become the kind of people that not willing to speak to or metaling with others since they spend too much time on internet which make them believe internet is their “comfort zone”.

    However, internet is also helping people to enlarge their social zone as it have been easier and easier for people to communicate in contemporary society. No matter when and where, as long as you want to convey information to a certain people, typing, calling or even using face-time can all solve the problem. Also, if some young people are not good at expressing themselves to others face to face, they can either typing or sending voice message. This alternative provided by internet can help them to contact various kinds of people as early as possible, thus enable them to fit into this society easier.

    Also, one thing that is needed to mention is internet is a good source of learning materials. If students want to learn some extracurricular knowledge or search for data and essays on topics you are working on, internet will be the best choice. Compare to searching for books in the library or asking professors, we just need to enter the key word and everything relevant will be represented.

    To avoid the downsides of the use of technology, we need to be self-disciplined. Make good use of it, this new technology will become the best tool you have ever had.

    August 18, 2020 at 4:17 pm

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. About 65% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    2. Wordy remove unnecessary words and simplify sentences
    3. Verb form errors
    4. Determiner errors
    5. Article errors

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

     

    kevin
    University: WHBC
    Nationality: China
    August 19, 2020 at 10:09 am

    The development of technology has affected people’s life styles for a long time. While some people think advanced technology should be limited among young students, I believe the benefits it brought outweigh the drawbacks.

    We have to acknowledge that allowing them to use as televisions, computers, and cell phones will potentially cause them to become addicted. In this way, student’s time spent on studying and exercising will be occupied and quality of completing them will also decrease. Also, another potential drawback is those young students may become not willing to speak to and communicate with others. They might spend too much time on internet and consider internet as their “comfort zone”.

    However, the technology is helping people to enlarge their social zone at the same time. This is because it has been easier and easier for people to communicate in contemporary society. No matter when and where typing, calling and using face-time can always help you reach the person. Also, if some young people are not good at expressing themselves to others face to face, online communication is the best choice. This alternative an help them to contact various kinds of people as early as possible, thus enabling them to fit in the society easier.

    Also, the technology provides students good sources of learning materials. If students want to learn some extracurricular knowledge or search for data and essays on topics you are working on, internet is one the best choices they got. Compare to searching for books in the library or asking professors, we just need to enter the keyword and everything relevant will be represented. The method will be really effective and time-saving for young students.

    To avoid the downsides of the use of technology, we need to be self-disciplined. Make good use of it, the new technology will become the best tool you have ever had.

    August 20, 2020 at 2:11 am

    Score: 60.7

    Issues:

    1. About 40% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    2. About 10% of the sentences are passive. Convert some of them into their active counterparts.
    3. Formatting errors – remove unnecessary spaces
    4. Make your argument clear in the introduction, why do the benefits outweigh the drawbacks?
    5. Article errors

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    kevin
    University: WHBC
    Nationality: China
    August 20, 2020 at 12:36 pm

    The development of technology has affected people’s lifestyles for a long time. While some people think advanced technology should be limited among young students, I believe the benefits it brought outweigh the drawbacks.

    We have to acknowledge that allowing them to use as televisions, computers, and cell phones will potentially cause them to become addicted. In this way, student’s time spent on studying and exercising will be occupied. Also, the quality of completing those works will also decrease. Another potential drawback is those young students may become not willing to speak to and communicate with others. They might spend too much time on the internet and consider it as their “comfort zone”

    However, technology is helping people to enlarge their social zone at the same time. It has been easier and easier for people to communicate to each other nowadays. No matter when and where typing, calling, or using face-time can always help you reach the person. Also, if some young people are not good at expressing themselves to others face to face, online communication is the best choice. This alternative can help them to contact various kinds of people as early as possible, thus enabling them to fit in to our society easier.

    Also, technology provides students good sources of learning materials. If students want to learn some extracurricular knowledge or search for data and essays on topics you are working on, the internet is one of the best choices they got. Compare to searching for books in the library or asking professors, we only need to enter the keyword, and everything relevant will be represented. The method is really effective and time-saving for young students who are doing research projects.

    To avoid the downsides of the use of technology, we need to be self-disciplined. Make good use of it, new technology will become the best tool you have ever had.

    August 21, 2020 at 8:29 pm

    Some people think that limiting the use of technology is beneficial for young students (age 6-12), while others hold the opposite opinion. Which do you prefer, why? Use specific examples and details to support your answer.

    The development of technology [wordy ]has affected people’s lifestyles for a long time. While some people think [use a strong verb  ]advanced technology (should be limited among young students)[unclear  ], I believe the benefits it brought[grammatical error  ] outweigh the [its  ]drawbacks.

    (We have to acknowledge that)[  wordy] allowing them[ unclear pronoun ] to use (as televisions, computers, and cell phones)[ unclear ] will potentially [could  ]cause them to become addicted. In this way[change a more appropriate phrase  ], student’s time spent on studying and exercising [ time ]will [absolute statement/use conditional writing  ]be occupied[passive  ]. Also, (the quality of completing those[pronoun error  ] works [ spelling error ]will also[ redundant ] decrease)[confusing  ]. Another potential drawback[relates to the potential danger that  ] is those young students may become not[ avoid using NOT ] willing to speak to and communicate with others. They might spend too[ wrong adverb ] much time on the internet (and consider it as their “comfort zone”)[unclear  ]

    However, technology is helping people to enlarge their social zone at the same time. It has been easier and easier for people to communicate to each other nowadays. No matter when and where typing, calling, or using face-time can always help you reach the person. Also, if some young people are not good at expressing themselves to others face to face, online communication is the best choice. This alternative can help them to contact various kinds of people as early as possible, thus enabling them to fit in to our society easier.

    Also, technology provides students good sources of learning materials. If students want to learn some extracurricular knowledge or search for data and essays on topics you are working on, the internet is one of the best choices they got. Compare to searching for books in the library or asking professors, we only need to enter the keyword, and everything relevant will be represented. The method is really effective and time-saving for young students who are doing research projects.

    To avoid the downsides of the use of technology, we need to be self-disciplined. Make good use of it, new technology will become the best tool you have ever had.

    August 21, 2020 at 9:42 pm

    I couldn’t complete the revision of your essay since it contains numerous problems.