Some people think that children obey rules and do what their parents and teachers want them to do. Other people think that children controlled too much cannot deal with problems themselves in adulthood.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. GRE Writing Some people think that children obey rules and do what their parents and teachers want them to do. Other people think that children controlled too much cannot deal with problems themselves in adulthood.

  • COOKEY
    University: CUG
    Nationality: China
    December 21, 2020 at 3:26 pm

    Some people think that children obey rules and do what their parents and teachers want them to do. Other people think that children controlled too much cannot deal with problems themselves in adulthood. Discuss both views and state your own opinion. 

    Recent years have seen the topic of”whether children should be obeying rules” rush into the forefront and other media. Although some people believe that it is better for children to observe rules, mounting people argue that children shouldn’t be controlled too much. In my opinion, obeying too many rules has an adverse influence on children’s solving -problem abilities.

    Some people argue that rules should be observed since they can cultivate children as good-mannered adults. Children fail to know what to do and how to do things by the time they are young. By teaching them rules, children are able to regulate their behavior, so that they can address problems without difficulties after they grow up. Moreover, obeying rules can ensure children keep a favourable habit. Unlike adults, children are more likely to be influenced by others. supposing give them some rules, children can do those are beneficial to them, instead of harmful to them.

    Opponents think that allowing children to observe too many rules is not good for the growth of children. To begin with, children who always obey rules receive a great deal of help from their parents and teachers. Without help, they fail to solve problems that they face. In addition, they would be confused about everything with a limited solving-problem ability. Children controlled too much tend to lack active nature, allowing them to negatively resolve problems or are unware of dealing with difficulties. The result is that they are unable to address what they are facing since they observe a great deal of rules but have no ability to complete tasks independently.

    The fact that children who obey rules are able to develop good behavior that teachers and parents prefer is not in dispute. However, given the factors to their limited solving-problem abilities and the lack of active nature, as far as I am concerned, the phenomenon of allowing children to obey too many rules should be rejected.

    Administrator
    University: University of Wisconsin
    January 10, 2021 at 7:57 pm

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. About 45% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Simplify or split them.
    2. About 20% of the sentences are passive; convert them into their active counterparts. 

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.