Some people think that computers and the Internet are more important for a child’s education than going to school

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. IELTS Writing Some people think that computers and the Internet are more important for a child’s education than going to school

  • jessicachen7
    University: XMU
    Nationality: China
    August 16, 2020 at 3:09 pm

    Some people think that computers and the Internet are more important for a child’s education than going to school. But others believe that schools and teachers are essential for children to learn effectively. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

    People have different opinions about whether children should study with the help of teachers and schools or through computers and the Internet. In my opinion, even though computers and the Internet can provide children with instant access to a rich seam of information online, teachers and schools still play the most important role in children’s education.

    On the one hand, it is undeniable that there are some advantages for children to study at home on computers and the Internet because they can make information easily accessible. For example, if a child has the desire to know the answer to a certain question, only by typing the keywords into the search engine will the relevant results show up in a blink of an eye. Also, there are multiple experts online who can offer abundant knowledge and advice that is impossible to acquire from a few teachers at school.

    On the other hand, studying in the school with the help of teachers can certainly provide children with a lot of benefits. Firstly, since teachers will try to pay close attention to everyone in the class, students can better concentrate in class so that they learn and practice more effectively. In addition, teachers at school can offer students guidance in time, which will help the children to learn with efficiency. What’s more, when a child is facing a difficult problem, group work at school can help him or her get innovated and inspired, which is unlikely to be done by studying online.

    I strongly believe that although there are undeniable advantages through studying on computers and the Internet for children, it is more beneficial for children to learn with the help of schools and teachers.

    August 18, 2020 at 10:24 pm

    Score: ungraded

    Issues:

    1. About 70% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    2. Make your argument clear in the introduction, why do you think one is more important?
    3. Preposition errors
    4. Pronoun errors
    5. Wordy – remove unnecessary words and phrases

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.