Some people think that lawbreakers should be sent to prison. However, others think that better talents among those should be made to work. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

TOEFL, IELTS, Personal Statement and CV Proofreading Services. IELTS Writing Topics Some people think that lawbreakers should be sent to prison. However, others think that better talents among those should be made to work. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

  • alexyang
    University: Shanghai university of international business and economics
    Nationality: China
    February 7, 2020 at 6:55 am

    Some people think that lawbreakers should be sent to prison. However, others think that better talents among those should be made to work. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

    When talents break the law, whether to send them to the prison or make them to work remains an argument. In my opinion, although prisoning is beneficial to convicts and the society, we should utilize their abilities in the workforce.

    On one hand, prisons will help educate them and ensure the safety of the society. Sending them to prisons will rehabilitate prisoners because the guards will teach them the standard of upright conducts and life skills. With these knowledge, criminals will more adapt to the society when they are released. What is more, it is also a deterrent for people who intend to commit a crime. For example, were there no laws about prisoning, some officials would have received bribes, which would have threaten the economic safety of the society.

    On the other hand, it is reasonable to make the talents to work because it will promote the breakthroughs and curb the lawless behavior. For example, a convict who is caught because of hacking into the system of the police must expertise in cyber security. Therefore, if the police allocate him to study this area, he will contribute to the research. In addition, this will offer him a job opportunity and his action will also under supervision, which means that the possibility of committing the crime again is reduced.

    In my perspective, I support that lawbreakers with skills should be made to work because in this way, their intellectual prowess will not be wasted. Although imprisoning them can give them lessons and deter them, jail terms may harden convicts against the society as a result of the brutalizing treatment they receive.

    • This topic was modified 2 weeks ago by Avataralexyang.
    • This topic was modified 1 week, 6 days ago by Lin QiuLin Qiu.
    • This topic was modified 1 week, 6 days ago by Lin QiuLin Qiu.
    February 7, 2020 at 11:21 pm

    Score: 61.6

    Issues:

    1. More than 50% of the sentences exceed 20 words. Shorten/split them.
    2. More than 20% of the sentences are passive. Convert them into their active counterparts.

    I will send you screenshots to illustrate specific problems/errors.

    • This reply was modified 1 week, 6 days ago by Lin QiuLin Qiu.
    alexyang
    University: Shanghai university of international business and economics
    Nationality: China
    February 8, 2020 at 3:38 pm

    When talents break the law, whether to send them to the prison or make them work remains a contention. In my opinion, although imprisoning is beneficial to convicts and society, we should use their abilities in the workforce.

    On the one hand, prisons will help educate them and ensure the safety of society. Prisons help rehabilitate prisoners because the guards will teach them the standard of upright conduct and life skills. With the knowledge, criminals will adapt more to society when they are released. What is more, it is also a deterrent for people who intend to commit a crime. For example, were there no imprisonment, some officials would have received bribes, threatening the economic safety of the society.

    On the other hand, that criminals with talents enter the workforce will promote breakthroughs and curb the lawless behavior. For example, a convict caught because of hacking into a police surveillance system must have expertise in internet security. Therefore, if the government arranges for him to study this area, he will contribute to the research. In addition, he will get a job opportunity, and his action will be under supervision. With income and surveillance, it is more unlikely for him to commit a crime again.

    In my perspective, I support the idea that lawbreakers with skills should participate in the work. In this way, their intellectual prowess will not be wasted. As for imprisonment, it can indeed give them lessons. However, jail terms may harden convicts against society as a result of the brutalizing treatment they receive.

    • This reply was modified 1 week, 5 days ago by Avataralexyang.
    February 14, 2020 at 10:23 pm

    Score: 62.5

    I will come back to you shortly.

    February 15, 2020 at 4:46 pm

    When talents break the law, whether to send them to the prison or make them work remains a contention. In my opinion, although imprisoning is beneficial [dull BE verb  ]to convicts and society, we should use their abilities in the workforce.

    On the one hand, prisons will help educate them[ unclear pronoun ] and ensure the safety of society. Prisons help rehabilitate prisoners because the guards will teach them[unclear pronoun  ] the standard of upright conduct and life skills[ unclear/can be understood as the standard of life skills ]. With the [ article error ]knowledge, criminals [ absolute writing ]will adapt more to society when they are released. What is more, it[ unclear pronoun ] is also a deterrent for people who intend to commit a crime. For example, were there no imprisonment, some officials would have received bribes, threatening the economic safety of the society.

    On the other hand, that criminals with talents[ repetition ] enter the workforce will promote breakthroughs[unclear/needs to specify  ] and curb the lawless behavior. For example, a convict caught because of hacking into a police surveillance system must[absolute writing  ] have expertise in internet security. Therefore, if the government arranges for him to study this area, he will contribute to the research[ grammatical error concerning subjunctive voice ]. In addition, he will[absolute writing  ] get a job opportunity, and his action will be under supervision. [lack logical connection with the prior sentence  ]With income and surveillance, it is more unlikely for him to commit a crime again.

    In my perspective, I support the idea that lawbreakers with skills should participate in the work. In this way, their intellectual prowess will not be wasted. As for imprisonment, it can indeed give them lessons. However, jail terms may harden convicts against society as a result of the brutalizing treatment they receive.

    [Study IELTS Writing Tips prior to submitting your next essay. ]

    alexyang
    University: Shanghai university of international business and economics
    Nationality: China
    February 17, 2020 at 6:12 am

    When talents break the law, whether to send them to the prison or make them work remains a contention. In my opinion, although imprisoning benefits convicts and society, we should use their abilities in the workforce.

    On the one hand, prisons will help educate criminals and ensure the safety of society. Prisons help rehabilitate prisoners because the guards will teach these prisoners life skills and the standard of upright conduct. With knowledge, criminals would adapt more to society when they are released. What is more, imprisonment is also a deterrent for people who intend to commit a crime. For example, were there no imprisonment, some officials would have received bribes, threatening the economic safety of the society.

    On the other hand, that criminals enter the workforce will promote breakthroughs in scientific area and curb the lawless behavior. For example, a convict caught because of hacking into a police surveillance system could have expertise in internet security. Therefore, if the government arranges for him to study this area, he will contribute to the research. In addition, he would get a job opportunity, and his action would be under supervision. Therefore, with income and surveillance, it is more unlikely for him to commit a crime again.

    In my perspective, I support the idea that lawbreakers with skills should participate in the work. In this way, their intellectual prowess will not be wasted. As for imprisonment, it can indeed give them lessons. However, jail terms may harden convicts against society as a result of the brutalizing treatment they receive.

    • This reply was modified 4 days, 5 hours ago by Avataralexyang.
    • This reply was modified 2 days, 14 hours ago by Lin QiuLin Qiu.
    February 18, 2020 at 9:48 pm

    Score: 59.2

    When talents [incorrect word  ] break the law, whether to send them to the prison or make them work remains a contention. In my opinion, although imprisoning benefits convicts and society, we should use their abilities in the workforce.

    On the one hand, prisons will help[ redundant ] educate criminals and ensure the safety of society. Prisons help rehabilitate prisoners because the guards will teach these prisoners[ repetition ] life skills and the standard of upright conduct. With knowledge, criminals would adapt more to society when they are released. What is more, imprisonment is also a deterrent for people who intend to commit a crime. For example, were there no imprisonment, some officials would have received bribes, threatening the economic safety of the society.

    On the other hand, that criminals enter the workforce will promote breakthroughs in [  article error]scientific area and curb the lawless behavior. For example, a convict caught because of hacking into a police surveillance system could have expertise in internet security. Therefore, if the government arranges for him to study this area, he will [absolute statement/may  ]contribute to the relevant research. [ lack organic connection with the prior sentence ]In addition, he would get a job opportunity, and his action would be under supervision. Therefore, with income and surveillance, it is more unlikely for him to commit a crime again.

    In my perspective, I support the idea that lawbreakers with skills should (participate in the work)[wordy  ]. In this way, their intellectual prowess will not be wasted. As for imprisonment, it can indeed give them lessons. However, jail terms may harden convicts against society as a result of the brutalizing treatment they receive.

    Final revision

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